Monday Melancholy

Monday melancholy

I woke up well before 7am. I don’t know the time because I didn’t look at my phone. I woke up from a weird dream that was like being in Criminal Minds or something. I was following a serial killer. Weird man. I got up around 730 because I had to pee. Sister was in the bathroom so I had to go downstairs. I am grateful and my bladder is too. I couldn’t go back to sleep so stayed up. My therapist texted me while I was downstairs. She had transportation issues so wouldn’t be in the office but would be keeping appointments virtually. I was sad because I wanted to get arancini and chicken pot pie from the Italian place. I will have to get it next week.

I took my meds and then had a couple cups of coffee. I wanted to go to the Square and pick up my meds. For some reason, I can’t get none of them delivered. It’s pick up only. I wanted Starbucks so tried to brush my teeth and go but by the time I looked at the clock it was 11 and there wasn’t enough time to come back for my appointment. So I will go tomorrow. I will go to campus to get my books and then the pharmacy on the way home.

Therapy went well. I told her I was afraid of overwhelming her as I seem to be dumping on her and she said it is ok. She will tell me if she is overwhelmed. I told her about Shneidman and his works. She is open to reading the chapters in Suicidal Mind. She never heard about caring contacts before so I explained what it was. I didn’t tell her I was an autodidact suicidologist. Maybe next week.

After therapy, I checked the bus schedule and the next bus was in like 40 mins. It’s bitterly cold out so decided to stay in. I ordered lunch as I didn’t feel like cooking. I got the damn sniffles today and it’s annoying me. I hope I am not getting sick. My sister has a cold and sounds terrible. It’s supposed to be cold tomorrow so I plan on wearing a mask. I just hope I can breathe. I’ve become so out of breath while walking lately it’s not funny. I don’t see my pcp until next week. Not like she is going to do anything except say increase my activity levels.

I’ve been feeling down most of the day. I really wanted a Starbucks drink. I will get it tomorrow. I could have ordered it but last time it was so damn expensive, I didn’t feel like splurging. I hate that I can’t use my Starbucks card on their app for delivery. So stupid.