just another day where trans rights get stomped on

Just another day where trans rights are being stomped on

I woke up in the middle of the night to pee. I didn’t stay up too long. I fell back asleep and woke up with my med alarm. I was too sleepy so shut it off and went back to slumber. I got up a few hours later. I had a weird dream about my niece and me telling her mother the stuff she was doing. I was so annoyed in the dream.

I had my coffee and something to eat. I bought breakfast burritos and they are really good. I have them with hot sauce. I will have to pick some more up when I go to the grocery store. I only bought a few in case I didn’t like them. I finally brought the last of my Powerade to my room. I had a gallon of water and it leaked inside the bag it was in. I don’t know where the leak is and it doesn’t look like it leaked too much as it is still a full gallon. I don’t know.

I wanted to do my Italian today but I took a three hour nap instead. I still feel tired and I was kind of in a depressed mood since finding out the felon has told the dept of education to remove all mention of transgender. I don’t know what this means for me and getting my degree. I am sort of freaking out. I want to fulfill my dream of getting my bachelor’s. I just feel so fucking useless and depressed. I feel like I shouldn’t exist.

I texted my therapist last night that I was having suicidality with planning and she responded with please contact 911 or crisis line. Now I know she doesn’t know what the hell she is doing. I feel I need to educate her or something. I asked if I could email her and am waiting for a response. This is how it was with the therapist of 16 years. She didn’t know how to handle my suicidality so I just kept up a run around with it. In the end it got me nowhere. If I can’t trust someone to help me, it’s a losing battle. I honestly don’t know what to say to her. I’m hoping the Shneidman chapters will help.

I had some burritos for dinner. I took out some burgers but I didn’t feel like cooking. I got a headache. I don’t think I will be doing any school work today. I feel so shitty. Tomorrow night I got to attend the language lab on zoom. I was going to go to the one in person on Thurs but it was a snow day. We got some heavy snow last night. I wanted to shower today and I still might.