34 years ago
Today marks 34 years since my first real attempt at trying to kill myself. I was 15. I cut myself but just did superficial cuts. I entered the world of cutting that day. It would continue for the next nine years or so. My parents separated and the world as I knew it ended. I didn’t care about school anymore. I was a straight A student. I had perfect attendance. I didn’t care about it at all. I just wanted to die. In the end, I ended up a B student. I found it extremely hard to earn the A’s and just couldn’t put forth the effort.
I read the note my professor gave on my quiz. Just as I suspected, I got things a little confused and he wants me to go over the material again. I think I am going to make office hours with him as I really am having trouble with that particular material. I tried to do the Italian work today but I was too tired. I woke up in the middle of the night again. Couldn’t sleep for the life of me. I was tossing and turning. I read for a bit. I read a chapter in my book. I also looked over the Italian stuff. It seems easier than the reflexive verbs we were doing. But then I go on the Connect thing and I have no idea what the fuck I am doing or supposed to do. UGH. I’ll figure it out tomorrow.
My DMH worker had a change of plans for tomorrow so I talked with her today. I was glad because my therapist canceled yesterday and I needed to talk to someone. We had a good talk. I am not sure what my plans are for tomorrow. I need to pick up my meds and get bloodwork done. I will see how I feel tomorrow. I need to be up by 10 to get things going. I set my alarm. I just hope I don’t have a middle of the night awakening.
midnightdemons7 