waves

Waves

I didn’t want to get out of bed today but my bladder needed to be emptied and as there isn’t a bathroom where the bedrooms are, I had to go downstairs. It woke me up some and I definitely needed coffee. I decided to skip the home brew and just head to Starbucks. It was around 10 or so anyway. I figure with me leaving early, maybe the caffeine would wake me up enough that I could read a chapter or two in my book as I wasn’t able to last night.

I got to campus with 45 minutes before class. I found a seat and read a chapter. It was small. Class went ok and I realized we are supposed to be in the 300s. I just got to around 200, I think. I should hopefully be caught up by Tues. I got to do Italian tonight and the next few days. I need to finish it before Sunday as I am going to a party and I want it done so I don’t have to do anything when I come home.

Last night I felt like I wanted to die. I don’t know why. I didn’t plan or anything. I sat with it. I texted my therapist and she had a cancellation for tomorrow so I am seeing her. She also had one today but I couldn’t make it because I was still traveling home. I met with my psychiatrist today. I can’t tell if he thinks I need to be in the hospital or not. I am doing all I can to stay out of it. I told him about the dreams of my mother and psych hospital. He says they are concerning.

Tomorrow is my mother’s anniversary. It’s been two years since her death. I am going to celebrate by having Chinese food. I also ordered groceries finally. Nearly $300, with tip. I  had to do it because I didn’t get groceries last month and I have no more drinks. I just hope I am not waiting all damn day for them like I did before and my cheese that I ordered is sliced to normal slice not blocks of cheese. I have no idea what I am going to do with the cheese that I have. It’s too thick to use and I don’t have a cheese slicer.

I have such a headache right now. I got a headache yesterday too. I know it’s because I am tired. I went to sleep after I had therapy yesterday. I got up around 5 I think. I had something to eat and then read for a bit before going back to sleep. I pretty much slept all night. I was up at 4am on Tues. and I didn’t go to bed till around 9. A long day for me. I did a lot of walking that day too. I am glad I slept late yesterday for therapy or I would have done more walking. I am surprised my therapist only gave me a half hour yesterday. I don’t know why. I am seeing her tomorrow morning though. I hope it is for 50 mins.