class and feeling down

Class and feeling down

I had class today. I slept through the night, only waking up around 530 to pee but was able to get back to sleep. I should have stayed up because after the alarms went off, I didn’t want to get up. I stayed in longer than I should have. I still made it on time to class. It was kind of boring. My DMH worker called near the end of class. I didn’t have a chance to text her while on the shuttle because it was crowded and I couldn’t pull my phone from my pocket. Then I forgot until I came home. We talked for a bit. It was nice. We didn’t stay on the phone long. She just wanted to check in and see how I was doing.

My mood started going south around 6. I don’t know why. I still feel really depressed. I keep thinking of ending it. I keep putting it off though. I feel this huge weight on me. I don’t know what it is about. I see my therapist tomorrow. Maybe we can sort through it.

I have a headache and my throat hurts. I think it is allergies. While walking home a big gust of wind brought pollen in my glasses. I was so freaked out because I am allergic to the trees. My throat just feels dry and sore. I also have a stomach ache. This was before I had coffee. It settled down some after I had something to eat. I didn’t make my chicken for dinner. I didn’t feel like cooking. Maybe tomorrow. I feel so tired. My legs were killing me when I came home. I didn’t walk more than I usually did while on campus.

I was so mad today. I had placed an order at CVS online and instead of it being at my “favorite” store, it was some store in NYC! I had to call them and cancel it. I had used all of my rewards for this order and I don’t think I am going to get them back. I am so mad. I still haven’t gotten an email saying the order has been canceled. Now I need to reorder everything. Such a pain in the ass. Then my sister got me mad. She accused me of breaking the vacuum. It’s an old machine and the piece got stuck so she blamed me. Fucking idiot.

I still need to make the story for my oral exam and practice it. I am going to see if I can call my friend and speak Italian to her. We can use cards so that will be helpful. But we can’t do a prepared text.  I don’t know if that is the same thing as memorizing a text. I am so fucking nervous. It is also the day I am supposed to appear in court but I can’t because I have class and the thing has been settled so I think I will be ok. All this worry is not helping my stomach.