Author: Midnight Demon

There was nothing to do today. I spent all morning in bed and some parts of the afternoon. I feel really depressed. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I’m kind of nervous about it. I don’t know if i will be offered another ketamine treatment.

I played my game but I wasn’t really interested in it. I have been feeling tired most of the day. I am not going to take the new med. It is making me too groggy. It does help with sleep though. My weird dreams are less weird.

Today was such a long day. Seemed like time was crawling. I did my laundry. I didn’t fold it. I’ll probably do that if I can’t sleep.

My first ketamine treatment was yesterday. It did not go well. I became wicked suicidal and could picture myself overdosing. I just wanted to die. The psychiatrist was disappointed it didn’t work the way we were hoping. I still have the IV. I am not sure i will get another treatment or not. I had a long talk with the psychologist after. We worked some stuff out. She wants me to be curious about me. I don’t know what that looks like. She also asked about therapy and I said I don’t know what I want from therapy. I don’t feel like I need it.

This afternoon, I felt suicidal again. I told staff. The nurse gave me some atarax. I watched some MASH to laugh. I am tired. I slept good. I didn’t have a hangover with the new med this morning. I was just tired and didn’t want to get out of bed. Then they came to my room for vitals. Breakfast came so I went to the day room.

There was peer support group today. It was good. I am going to join on in my area. They were in the center of Boston where is hard for me to get to. I can go to either the one where my DMH worker is or the one near me. My social worker said they are still working on a partial program for me but she hasn’t seen me yet. I don’t have an appt with my therapist yet. The blue line is closed all week so I can’t go to my home town unless I take shuttles.