Author: Midnight Demon

Made one of two appts

I had set my alarm for 7 to get up for my appt at 930. I woke up a few minutes before the alarm to pee. I took my meds and then made the mistake of going back to sleep without another alarm set. I didn’t get up until the clinic called if I was coming in or not. I just couldn’t get up. I got up around noon. I had my coffee and after I finished it, I messaged my pcp to reschedule the appt I missed.

I hung out with the puppy until it was therapy time. It went ok. She thinks I progressed some. I don’t feel like I have but then I am critical like that. During our conversation, Honey was in my lap and she started growling for some reason, which she never does. My therapist heard it and busted out laughing. It was so funny.

After therapy, I needed to go to the grocery store but I laid down with puppy and that went the rest of the afternoon. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t shave or shower or brush my teeth. I did nothing. I felt so tired. I cuddled the puppy. She was so good. She didn’t eat or drink anything but I made her some eggs for dinner. I had a chicken sandwich for dinner.

No rest days this week

I realized today that I have something every day and it involves going out. I am so tired. I went to campus three times this week. It took me forever to get there tonight. The red line was delayed soon after it left my station. I left my house around 330 and didn’t get to campus till 515pm. It normally takes me 45 minutes to get there. I was contemplating going home but decided to stick it out. I finally learned something that I understand. I came home and we were moving along until I was four stops away from my station. Then we were delayed. I just wanted to go home and have pizza. My leg was killing me with the swelling and when I took my sock off, there was a sizeable dent in my leg. No wonder it was so painful.

I had therapy today and to my surprise, she didn’t know anything about reasons for living. It is in the safety plan that I avoid because I think it is a guilt trip. She said she is going to look it up. I think I might be smarter than my therapist, or at least more knowledgeable than her. We talked about Honey because this morning I stepped in shit and nearly fell. I didn’t have time to make coffee before therapy. I was too tired to get out of bed. I don’t remember what else we talked about. I went back to sleep afterwards.

When I got up, I had my coffee but nothing to eat. I wasn’t really hungry. I just had one cup because my stomach was starting to get upset. The pup didn’t want to go outside. I petted her and then I brushed my teeth and shaved. I really didn’t feel like shaving but it had to be done or it would have been too long. I like the goatee I have right now. The hair on my chin is filling in nice. Today was shot day so after I shaved, I took it.

Tomorrow I have an appt with my DMH worker in the afternoon. I am planning on going to the grocery store after the appt. I need half and half and I want hot dogs as I have been craving them for some time now. Friday I have an appt at my pcp’s office for my leg swelling. My leg is so painful right now. I hope I can sleep.

Lab on little sleep

I didn’t sleep very well last night. I ended up getting up around 930 to have coffee. I didn’t feel rested at all. I did the prelab and it was nothing like what I thought we were going to be doing. I think I may have done the wrong one.

I got to campus fifteen minutes before lab started. I wore a mask today because when I woke up, I had a wicked sore throat. It went away but I am not feeling my best. I hope I am not getting sick. There were people in the lab that were coughing so I was glad I was wearing a mask. The assignment for today was making DNA into mRNA and then into proteins. I had no clue what we were doing. I did mine wrong so I had to stay and get it right before the TA signed off on me so I could leave. Ugh. I hated it. I finally got it right around 430pm and then I left. I didn’t get home till after 6pm. I made a chicken sandwich for dinner.

It was really nice today. It was warm but not too warm like I was expecting it to be. It rained a little while ago, just complete downpours. It scared the puppy. She kind of cuddled with me and then she didn’t. So I left her.

I resent my email to my teacher for bio asking if I had a preliminary grade. She hasn’t responded and it is ticking me off. My bag was heavy today because I had the lab manual and my laptop in it. I hate when I have to bring my laptop to lab.

My left leg, ankle, and foot have been swelling for more than a week now and it has been pretty painful. I have been wearing my usual socks, athletic crew and the elastic just becomes so damn tight. The indentations lasts for a couple of hours. Today I wore looser socks and my foot still swelled. I messaged my pcp and I will be seeing someone Friday morning. I hope I can get up early. If I do, I might get Starbucks.