Category: depression

Long day of walking around

I was sleeping late because I had insomnia last night. My pcp’s nurse called about noon saying they had a cancelation with my pcp and did I want it. I said yes. This forced me to get up and I was not happy about it. I had some coffee and played with the pup who was in a mood not to be dealt with. I let her be.

After my coffee, I decided to walk to the station. It was a cold day but not too cold. I took my time getting there. I left in plenty of time. I didn’t get short of breath or anything so that was good. I just felt tired. I went to Starbucks when I got to North Station. I had my latte with five shot espresso. It was good. Didn’t help the brain fog. I met my doc and we talked a good talk. She wants me to call the places for therapy. Then she examined me. She wanted blood work, which meant doing T levels at a different time. I see her in two weeks, unless the blood shows something.

I met with my DMH worker for an hour. I honestly thought we would meet for a half hour but it turned into an hour. I was tired. I hadn’t had anything to eat. I didn’t know what I want and I still needed to pick up my meds. I walked to the station and then waited for the train back home. Then I waited for the bus to the square. I ended up getting the rice dish I like. I didn’t get home till after 6. I had been out all afternoon. I was beat.

I got a headache. I keep checking to see if my bloodwork is back. It hasn’t come back yet. I tried to drink some water as all I had today was coffee. I only was able to drink a few ounces. I don’t feel that thirsty. I am going to go nap or try and sleep. I don’t care if I wake up in the middle of the night again. I like reading at that hour. It is when I can concentrate pretty good. Why it has to be between 2 and 4am I will never know. I made a note of who to call for tomorrow. If I call one place that will be good enough for me. My DMH worker wants me to have therapy at her place. We’ll see. I will call tomorrow and see if I get anywhere. I just hope I don’t have to redo the intake.

Good thing I like my friends canceled

I have been listening to Life of the show girl on repeat since it came out. I love this album. This has to be one of Taylor’s best. It reminds of reputation, but with swears.

I haven’t been doing well the past few days. I have been in bed, mostly sleeping. I have just been so tired. Yesterday I finally had something decent to eat and drink. I feel a little better today but I am tired. I did some stuff for school but haven’t started the mountain of reading I need to do. I dropped the Econ class because I failed another quiz. I would have stayed in it but the written part of the class isn’t until after P/F/W period and I can’t take a chance of getting a F. It was just causing me too much stress. I finally picked classes for Spring semester. I hate that they changed the designations for classes as it was hard to pick my remaining requirements. I made an appt with advising and hope that the sociology class I can take. I didn’t see anything saying they needed requirements and I already took sociology 101. I think I took another sociology class too, but don’t remember off the top of my head. It was a lot of years ago.

I took a shower because it has been almost two weeks since I last took one. I had some yogurt with my coffee. I need another coffee. Also need to take my recycling down as it’s trash day tomorrow. My bags are piling up. I am slowly clearing my bed still but I am getting there. I just need a burst of energy to finish it, which isn’t happening anytime soon. I just feel so low. I told my doctor but they don’t have any solutions. I see my doc in two weeks and I got bloodwork to be done next week. Last night I cut my nails as they were getting too long. I kept taking off skin when I scratched. Got myself good on my beard.

I woke up with a headache today but it seems to have gone away. I hope I don’t get a migraine. I took my meds early this morning. My vit D pill disappeared on me. Second time this week a pill has played hide and seek with me. I still haven’t found it. Tomorrow I see or at least talk with my DMH worker. I am going to try and stretch out the time we meet. Every two weeks is getting tough with class. She has no clue about trans stuff so I can’t talk to her about those things. She is clueless about what the White House is trying to do with transgender people. Pisses me off. I had a dream about it last night.

I think I am going to have a salad for dinner tonight. I didn’t take out a burger. I need to do a little shopping again. I ate my last yogurt. My sister bought half and half. I didn’t have coffee yesterday because we were out. I am going to see if my other sister will take me to the cheaper grocery store.

Indigenous Day 2025

Today is a day of remembrance of the people in America who died by the hands of Europeans and to give importance to the remaining Indigenous people still living here.

I have had a hard past few days. I spent the day in bed all weekend. I just didn’t want to do anything. I wasn’t really feeling good as I had a headache that would not go away. I spent most of today in bed. I only got up to take my quiz and fail it, even though I was looking through the book for answers. I ended up dropping the class. Fuck this stress. I was going to wait until the written part of the class was done but that is after the P/F/W period. Now I can concentrate on my psych class which I totally like better.

Today is a UMB holiday so I don’t have to do school work. I already did thought. I listened to lecture and responded to one more student because I couldn’t remember if I did or not the other day.

I feel really tired lately. I have been sleeping when I have laid down, which is unusual for me. My stomach has been bothering me but I think it is the weight loss drug. I seem to be gaining and losing the same four pounds every week. I am trying to watch what I eat. I had a burger and a yogurt for dinner. I woke up around 2 so I wasn’t really hungry. Last couple of days I just had cereal and that has been my only meal. I also just had one cup of coffee. I am going to see if my cousin can take me to the cheap grocery store because I need half and half. I have had a headache the past two days and now it came back. I think it is a migraine. There has been some rainy days the last few days and tomorrow is supposed to rain too. The pressure is not helping my head. It is cold today and the wind has been through my AC vents. I like it because I can dress warmly.

I don’t have a lot going on this week. I have an appt with my DMH worker Thurs. I might see her as the weather is going to be better. And maybe I can get some Starbucks. I have points I have to use before I lose them. My niece is making beef stew and it smells incredible. I can’t wait to have some.