Category: depression

Saturday Blog 27092025

I woke up early to meet someone but they stood me up. I waited an hour for a response then went back to bed. I slept for a little bit and had a bad dream. Then I check my news app and see the felon is going to send troops to “war in Portland”. He has lost his frigging mind. And what’s worse, no one is going to stop him. People are going to be killed. I fear Civil War is going to break out soon. It will be against the ICE and DHS first then hopefully it won’t be against the military. It is just chaos right now.

Sox won last night which sealed their postseason fate. I am so happy for them. I wish I could attend one of the last two games.

My allergies have been terrible today. I went out and it is hot. I wanted to be shirtless so damn bad. I went to my Starbucks one last time. Today was their last day of being open at that location. I don’t know where I will be going for coffee and studying now. I am thinking of changing my pharmacy to the one around the corner as there is no reason to go to the Square anymore. Still, it gets me out of the house for a bit longer than 20 minutes.

I did read while at Starbucks until I got overwhelmed with everything. I tried to complete some of the tasks but one was a voice thread and I figured I would do that when I got home. The other stuff I need to look up because I am dumb. There is also a 28 page thing on Jung that I need to read. Fuck. I haven’t even started with the textbook. Game is on early so maybe tonight I will read it. OSU is playing right now as well as the Sox. I am going to be flipping between apps.

My sister is making steak and sausages tonight but just asked me if I wanted soup. I want meat. Actually what I want is a pepperoni pizza. I wanted it last night but I knew if I ordered it, my stomach would hate me all night. It was like after 630 when I got the craving for something to eat. I settled for some zucchini bread my sister made. Wasn’t the same thing as pizza but helped my hunger. I really didn’t eat much yesterday other than having a tuna sandwich which the puppy wanted some of. I didn’t share. I actually don’t think mayo is good for dogs. I don’t know if she would have eaten the tuna.

I am tired. I nearly fell asleep on the bus ride home. I have to stay up though.

Humid day

I had a nightmare last night so it was difficult to go back to sleep. I got up around 11. I wanted to shower and go to Starbucks to do my quiz and then pick up my meds. None of that has happened yet. I did get my migraine med delivered so I could take it. I took my quiz after reading the notes and failed. I suck at this class. Out of four quizzes, only one I have passed with an 80. I am sure my test I failed too. I think I am going to P/F this class so it doesn’t mess with my GPA. I still have to get started on the books for this class so I can write the paper.

I’ve had my AC running all day. The house is hot. I can’t open the back door because my sister took the screen door off and it’s all open now. I don’t want flies to get in the house. It’s humid in the house. I’ve been watching the puppy most of the day. I need to read psych but can’t focus. I had two cups of coffee today. I made a tuna sandwich which the pup wanted. I didn’t share with her. I kept the sandwich close to me so she wouldn’t get it. I made potatoes but not sure what I am going to do with them. I have them cooling right now.

I had some money left in my account after my bills got paid so I ordered some drinks and water. I am totally out of them. I drank the last of the water last night. I was so thirsty. Soon as the water was delivered, I filled my water bottle and drank. I did make iced tea.

I am tired and don’t feel like reading.  It is all stuff on my laptop not the book. I wish I could print out what I need to read so it wouldn’t strain my neck. I have my eye appt next week. I am hoping to get new glasses if I have a new prescription. It is tough finding glasses I like.

I can’t believe in a few months I am going to be fifty. Like WTF. I still got to find out how much my cake is going to be. I know what I want and where I want to have it made. I just got to bite the bullet and call the place. I wish they would just post their prices on their website. Isn’t that what their website is for??

Feeling down and out

I had a good sleep but I didn’t want to get up. I had a hard time getting out of bed. Not even coffee could lure me out. I just didn’t care. I thought about just reading and not getting up for coffee or eating. I wanted pancakes though. It was almost 1pm and I took my meds. I used the bathroom and played with the puppy afterward. I went into the kitchen and there were huge piles of poop. I was not happy. I cleaned it up and then washed/scrubbed my hands before making my coffee. Again I just had one cup. I thought about making another but I knew my stomach wouldn’t be able to take it. I was tired and just wanted to go back to bed.

I went upstairs and just played my game. I had some messages to respond to so I did that. I still had to pick up my meds. I will tomorrow. It was raining today and I didn’t feel like going out. I thought about taking an Uber or a Lyft but it was late and I just didn’t want to go.

I made a salad for dinner and then after I ate, I went and did some school work. I finished the chapter I needed to read. There are some notes I need to read before taking the quiz. This stuff was a little bit more understandable than the other chapters. I just hope I get a good grade on the quiz. I don’t know when the test results will be back. I still have a shit ton of psych to read. I haven’t even looked to see what exactly is due on Mon. There are usually three things due. My group is trying to get a zoom meeting but no one has responded, as usual. I looked up the guy we are to write on. He is on Wikipedia. I hope they have citations in the file. That will be easy to trace for the information that I need for the paper.

My stomach is doing ok. I talked with the nurse at my PCP’s office. I told him I already discussed things with the doc last week and would like to stay on the same dose until my stomach calms down before increasing it. I am still having stomach upset and reflux. My pcp said to take the stomach med on an empty stomach but I always do. Lately I have been taking it and then going back to sleep for a few hours so that it can work before I drink coffee. It seems to help the upset. I haven’t been needing to take an extra pill at night. I asked her if she would check my iron levels and she ordered it. She said she doesn’t need to check my pancreas enzymes so I am glad.

I feel depressed. Things are stressing me out and I have no one to talk to about them. I don’t know how long I will be on the waitlist for a therapist. Hopefully not too long. I have to go through intake. I don’t know if I will have to wait after that for a therapist. I am keeping my DMH worker’s place open in case this place doesn’t work out.