Category: depression

Saturday Blog 30082025

I kept dreaming I was in the lab last night. The pneumatic tube station was out of control. Every time I would empty it and return to my seat, it was filled up again. We got crap specimens and while opening one tube, I got sprayed with shit. But for some reason, I wasn’t wearing a shirt so it was on my chest. I kept walking around the lab trying to find alcohol to clean myself. Then this guy shows up and starts a conversation with me like he is all into me. I am like you need to leave. It was so bizarre.

I didn’t get up till my med alarm went off. I didn’t want to get up but I had to take my meds. My sister was up and making noises. My niece came home with the puppy and I guess her ex was over and they started arguing. My sister who can’t mind her business, stepped in. Then my other sister called to see what the fuss was all about. I just wanted to disappear. When things settled down, I got up to have coffee and some breakfast. I wanted pancakes. My stomach barely finished the one cup of coffee. Then I got an upset stomach. I went back to my room and laid down. My head started hurting. The temps are much cooler today. I took some Excedrin.

I brushed my teeth and shaved. Now I just need to shower. I think I will after I write this.

My classes syllabi became available today. I looked it over and I am completely dreading the economics class. The psych class has a shit ton of reading and a 15-20 page research paper as well as a group project. I have no idea how we are going to form a group when it is online. I looked over the list of students in the class and know no one. I just know my neck is going to hurt while reading until I see the eye doctor in Oct. I am having to read from the bottom of glasses on the computer because that middle like for computer use is blurry. I am not sure I can afford new glasses. I wanted to update my sunglasses but regular glasses might be the priority. I will just get them with transition lenses. Last time it only cost me like $100 I think with my insurance. I just hope I don’t have to pay more than that.

Today was the start of college football season. Buckeyes won their first game. I am so happy. Unfortunately, the Pirates are killing my Sox right now. We seem to struggle with teams that are below 500. I don’t know why. They should be easy to win against yet they blow the game. The bullpen hasn’t been very good. Last night the game started good with the rookie and then relief pitching blew the lead and we lost. Sucks! Because every game from now on matters. There is just one more month of games left. We are in the wild card spot but not by much. I don’t think we can make it to the Series but would be nice to try.

Brain fried

My med alarm went off and I went back to sleep. I woke up ten minutes before my therapy appt. I logged on quickly. It was a good meeting. I like her. We will be meeting weekly, which I like. She wants to talk with my DMH worker so I have to sign a release for both parties.

I went downstairs after therapy to have coffee and something to eat. It hasn’t bothered my stomach yet. I had two cups of coffee. My therapist thinks I should talk to a nutritionist. I told her I would think about it. My pcp is increasing the dose of the weight loss drug and I am to check back in a month.

I played with the puppy most of the day. She was loving me. Kept kissing my hand and licking my face. I layed down next to her and she cuddled with me. It didn’t last too long. She wanted to go on the porch so I let her out. I stayed out with her for a bit. Then she wanted to go in. She didn’t do any potty business today, I am grateful for that.

I need to shave and brush my teeth. I haven’t done it yet. I will when I go to the bathroom next. I am thirsty today for some reason. Been drinking water. I am tired but it is too late to take a nap. I never got up early to go to the bread store. I want some scali bread so I can make a salami sandwich.

Tomorrow I am going to go to Starbucks and read my textbook to finish the chapter. I will also try and clear my bed. I have been so overwhelmed because I don’t know where to put the stuff. I keep piling the clothes on top and now I have a huge mountain in one corner of my room. I have to find my hand soap that I bought because my sister is out and she is using some kind of vanilla and I don’t like it. I also have no idea what I am going to do with my old laptop or where to put it. There are still stuff on it I may need so still want it around.

TAYLOR IS ENGAGED!!!

Finally happened! She said yes!!! Love Story on repeat today! I am so fucking happy!!

So I have been in a somewhat good mood since finding out Taylor is engaged. I literally lost my shit and had to listen to Love Story a million times again. I am absolutely crazy right now. Seeing them together on the podcast last week was so sweet the way they were together. I couldn’t be happier for her.

I have had a stomach ache all day. I had the uncrustables, which was so damn good. Then after my second cup of coffee, my stomach freaked out and has been hurting ever since. I tried to eat some rice, plain, no salt or butter, but only had a few bites. I drank a big glass of iced tea. I have been trying to stay hydrated so I don’t get headaches as well.

I was watching the puppy. I need to get advice on how to potty train her because she keeps peeing and pooping in the kitchen. There was dried pee on the floor under the table today and I was wondering where the smell was coming from. I was so mad because she peed in multiple places. And she shit. She hid from me when I came downstairs. I thought she wasn’t home as I saw the crate and bed empty. She was under the bed. Ugh.

I talked with my DMH case worker today. We mostly talked about the puppy and the semester starting next week. I am wondering why I am still talking to her because we don’t get anything accomplished and she isn’t a therapist. I just update her on things in my life. I told her I have a new therapist starting tomorrow. I am kind of nervous about it. Hopefully it settles down the more I see her and get to know her. It is only our second meeting. Hoping also that she doesn’t do more questionnaires.

I signed up for a CAMS-care webinar that focuses on contemporary suicidology. Will be interesting. Dr. Jobes is leading the chat so I had to attend. I love him so much. I can’t wait till the semester starts. I need to finish the chapter in the psych history book I started reading. Think I will go to Starbucks on Thurs and read for an hour. It should take me that long to finish it. It is long reading. I got to get my Microeconomics book in its folder. Both of my classes have apps with it that I had to buy for the semester. I hope this class isn’t intensive. I am already planning on the 400 level psych class to be.