Category: depression

Pain today

Since Saturday, my gallbladder has been flared and it has continued today. This is my third day of pain. I messaged my pcp and the RN interfered with a bunch of questions. I responded then got nothing back. Assholes.

I had therapy today. She had no insight into why I am dreaming about the psych hospital. Maybe I am because I feel safe there. I don’t have to worry about my safety all the time. We talked about the weekend and I told her how flared up I was Saturday and I didn’t sleep till around 4am yesterday. I slept good last night. I don’t remember if I took trazodone or not. It was really hard for me to get up this morning though. I didn’t want to get up.

I think I am going to have to take a pain pill tonight because the pain in my side hasn’t gone away. I am also getting a headache. Today has been a long day for me. I took care of the puppy. I fed her and cleaned up after her. I thought an hour would be enough time to wait to take her out but it wasn’t. She pooped on the kitchen and peed twice under the kitchen table, her new favorite spot. I had a 3^rd cup of coffee after therapy. It didn’t give me any energy and I still felt blah.

I decided today to make an appt with the barber so get my head shaved. I will be going Wed. I hope my prescription for my migraine med will be in by then. It’s out of stock right now. I made an appt to see my psychiatrist on Thurs. I hope he can help with the depression. I am really struggling with it. I hate being tired all the damn time. All I want to do is sleep or lay down. I am worried that I may end up skipping class because I don’t want to go because I am too depressed. Three straight days of being on campus is going to be a huge effort for me. And especially as they are at night, it is going to be even more so that I have enough spoons for class. I have to plan my dinner because of taking the Latuda. Otherwise I will be drinking Ensure if I don’t feel like eating. I need to get another case of it. I hate that it costs so much.

Saturday Blog 10012026

I woke up early enough for me to go out and get my prescriptions. I had two cups of coffee. The first irritated my stomach and the second was a doozy. I had it with my sister and was able to eat some cornbread which helped. I then had an uncrustable pb&j which helped as well. I picked up my favorite Japanese dish in the frozen section of the pharmacy. I was tempted to try the noodles but it costed more so I got the rice dish. I had some pizza when I came home. I was only able to eat one slice again.

The felon is causing so much damage and his minions are killing innocent people that are citizens of the country. I hope to god that the midterms are not a buy out by his billionaires. The country may never recover if the dems don’t get control of the house and senate. It’s making me sick to hear every day all the idiotic things he is thinking and then doing, especially with Venezuela. I hope Greenland isn’t next.

I have had another migraine this morning that finally went away with my migraine meds. I had to call in a refill because I only have like six pills left and no refills. It was the fourth of the week. Tomorrow there is a chance of rain. It has been a crappy week of rain or snow. Supposed to snow next week, too. Of course, my meeting with my DMH worker is that day. I think I will just have a phone call with her, if it does snow.

I need to go to the grocery store soon as I am running low on half and half. I don’t really need anything else besides deli meat. I have been craving a roast beef sandwich. Maybe I can get my sister to take me after we have lunch with my cousins tomorrow. It should be a good day, even if it does rain. I just hope I don’t get another fricken migraine. I am so tired when they leave.

I finally decided to hang the cap holder behind my door but the problem is I am too short to put it where I want it. My sister was able to put it over my door but I can’t slide it where I want it. Frustrating. I hate being short. I need a step stool for everything. I asked my brother in law if he could come up to move it where it needs to go. He is tall enough, lol. My sister had to stand on her tip toes to put it where it is now. Ugh. I need to bring down some recycling as they are piling up again. I am tired and want a nap but I know if I don’t do this now, I won’t do it later.

Grief and more grief

Saturday is my mother’s birthday. She would have been 84. I have been thinking about her all week. And then today after therapy, I started thinking about my own grief about being trans and not having trans joy because of my mother’s death. I feel so pained. It’s hard for me to write today.

I started writing this yesterday and couldn’t finish it. Today I am depressed and have low appetite. I am trying to drink fluids but it is hard. I felt a little lightheaded earlier but I am sure it is because my blood pressure spiked. I got a migraine soon afterwards. My third of the week. I slept terrible last night. I wanted to pick up my meds but I ended up taking a nap. I am finding it so hard to stay awake during the day as all I want to do is sleep. I feel really tired. I messaged my psychiatrist to let him know.

I slept with the puppy briefly until someone came to the door and she jumped up. It was someone downstairs. I went up to my room and ordered food but I barely touched it. I ordered pizza and only had one slice. I still need to shower. Shaving is optional at this point. I need my cousin to trim my neck hair has it is wild. I am still debating on going to the barber shop for a haircut or to do it myself. I won’t be able to do it outside as it is too cold.

I have been dealing with post nasal drip all day. It is driving me crazy. Feels like there is something stuck in my throat. I hate it. It rained this afternoon so I am glad I didn’t go out. I have to go out tomorrow to pick up my meds. I am going to try and go in the late morning soon after I get up. Otherwise I will not go.

I took the weight loss drug late today as I forgot about it. I usually get the syringe and bring it up to my room the night before so I take it with my meds. But I forgot and then when I was having coffee, the puppy was distracting me. I didn’t take it till around 5pm. I hope I don’t get a stomachache. All I have eaten today is a yogurt and that slice of pizza. Least I have leftover pizza if I get hungry later.

I’m still not sure we are doing anything for my mother’s birthday tomorrow. Sunday we are seeing my cousins for my birthday celebration. I am not sure if my brother in law is coming.