Category: depression

I woke up kind of groggy. Don’t know if it was from the new med or not. I still had weird dreams. I dreamt about the puppy. I came home and she went bananas. I picked her up to hold her. It was a nice dream.

I met with the attending psychiatrist. He had some questions for me about ketamine. He is on the fence because I have a psychotic depression. He is going to talk to his colleagues tomorrow afternoon and make a decision. I’ll find out Friday. My only other option would be ECT and I don’t want to have it because of memory issues. They keep saying it’s minimal and temporary but I seen someone on it on the unit and he struggles to find words. I don’t want to lose any memory function.

After a meeting with the psychologist, I tried to nap but my phone or rather my fitbit kept going off. I got a weird text message from someone and I am not calling that person back. No idea who she/he is.

No idea what I ate but my gallstones are flared up. I didn’t have anything fried or cheesy. I’ll be going to bed soon.

I had woken up to pee around 530. Went back to sleep and I felt so groggy when I woke up two hours later. The fitbit I was wearing vibrated as some message came through. My phone was at the charging station so I went to retrieve it. Breakfast came. I wasn’t really hungry but I ate. I had a cup of tea to try and wake up. I went to the first group feeling grumpy.

I met with team. My discharge date has been taken off the table. We are still working things out. They are going to try a new med for my dreams. I had some really weird ones last night. I don’t remember them now.

I met with one of the psychologists on the unit. She just did her evaluation. I don’t think anything is going to come of it.

I had lunch. I didn’t eat it all. I’m just not hungry today. I am still tired and sluggish. There is a worker in my room doing something at my desk. I want to lie down before the researcher comes. She is going to show me how to charge the fitbit.

I am feeling more depressed than when I came in. I want to leave but I don’t think they will let me. Just seems pointless.

I had weird intense dreams about my sisters and woke up with a headache. It put me in a bad hopeless mood. I wanted to die all day and seriously thought of getting discharged just so I could attempt. The headache got worse and turned into a migraine. The sun was coming in and out and finally stayed out mid-afternoon. It has been so damn bright in the day room. I’ve spent some time in my room where the curtain was drawn and it was semi dark. After two doses of my triptan, it lessened. At dinner I took some Tylenol and ibuprofen.

I had a good dinner. Burger and rice and some chicken fingers that were cold. I still got a headache. I got a roommate. He needs extra care so it’s going to be a long night.

I showered today. Again I felt exhausted. I sat down to wash up. I changed into my shorts as it’s hot on the unit. I’ll changed into my PJs before bed. I don’t have stringless PJ shorts so I didn’t bring them. I am so tired. I got up around 730. I slept through the night despite the dreams.

Some time this month I find out about my financial aid. My anxiety is already up.

I have been drinking so much water that I think I irritated my urethra by peeing so much. I hope it goes away as it’s uncomfortable.