midnightdemons7

New Year’s Day 2025

Today feels like a Sunday. I haven’t done a damn thing. Last night I took the last of my recycle bags out. I never did brush my teeth though. I did today. I had coffee. I’ve been up since 10. I woke up around 6 to pee and to take my meds as I had wicked heartburn. I managed to go back to sleep and have weird dreams. I woke up sweating. I’ve been wanting to read all day but haven’t managed it yet. The day feels so off.

My sister made a pizza thing out of phyllo dough. It was greasy but ok. My stomach is hurting and I still feel hungry. I only had two pieces. I really wanted to make my dino nuggets and tater tots. I might have them tomorrow.

It’s cold in my room though it’s like in the 40s outside. I had to put on a long sleeve shirt. I might have to put socks on. My feet are so cold.

Today the OSU football is playing in the Rose Bowl. I am trying to get it on the radio using the app. I am not sure I got the right station. I haven’t watched a game all season. And ESPN isn’t letting me watch it even though I logged in. fuckers. I don’t have cable anymore so I can’t watch it on TV. I miss watching my college football games.

Brain fog and migraine

I woke up early but I don’t know what time I was up because I didn’t look at my phone. I heard my sister leave her room and couldn’t go back to sleep. I got up with a little headache which I thought coffee would take care of. I had two cups and then went to my room. I had therapy soon.

Therapy went well. I like this therapist. She is younger than I am but that is ok. She told me to rest before school starts again and that it is ok if I don’t do anything. Small steps will lead to bigger ones as the saying goes. I needed to go out today for more half and half and after therapy, I just couldn’t do it. About an hour later, I got a migraine. I took my meds and had something to eat. I had to lie down afterwards. I must have been resting for at least twenty minutes and then I had a damn anxiety attack. I tried blowing it off. Ignoring it, telling myself there’s nothing to be panicked about. I was fine but my nerves got the better of me and I had to take an Ativan. The migraine was almost gone and now I just have brain fog. I feel so damn tired. My stomach feels like a rock. I don’t know why.

I wanted to read and I might if this fog goes away. I started reading “the suicidal mind”. It is one of my favorite books. I don’t know where my copy was, so I bought a new one, used and it has things underlines throughout the book. Oh well. My head feels so damn heavy. I hope I sleep tonight and don’t have strange dreams. I keep forgetting to think of being in a safe place before going to sleep so at least my dreams are somewhat better.

I woke up later than I planned as I didn’t sleep well last night. Around 330, I decided to write for a bit. I came to some conclusions that I plan to share with my therapist tomorrow.

I did some self-care today. I managed to brush my teeth and shave. I wanted to read but I feel too restless. I also started a few books and am having a hard time choosing which one to read.

I did my meds. Tomorrow i have to get more half and half. I’ll probably go to the Square and catch the bus to the shopping center. I’ll get Starbucks on the way. I wanted to order it for delivery but you can’t use your Starbucks card in the app. That sucks.

I roasted red potatoes for dinner and put some havarti cheese on it. It was really good. My sister gave me some chili so I couldn’t eat all the potatoes. I’ll have them tomorrow. I didn’t know what else to make.