midnightdemons7

A sneezing and migraine day

I’ve been sneezing since I woke up this morning. I’ve also had a runny nose. I hope I am not getting sick as I got a concert to go to on Thursday. Professor say some classmates have had covid so I hope I am not coming down with that. I missed all last week and haven’t been in contact with anyone that is sick but then I have been traveling on the T so. I went to class today and I was so anxious. I spoke with the professor after class and we are going to go over the exam on Friday. On the way home, I got overwhelmed with everything. She makes it seem so easy and then my brain can’t process it after class. When I got to the station I was going up the stairs and the back of my neck hurt where my migraines usually start. It went away by the time I got to the platform but soon as I reached the home, I was in migraine hell. My head just exploded. I thought it was because I was just hungry. Nope. Food didn’t help. I tracked in my note app.

I had a meeting with my psychiatrist this morning. It went well but he didn’t have any answers for me either. My pcp never responded to the message I sent. I don’t care. I guess being out of breath and having palpitations is the new me. I am so tired of fighting the system that is supposed to help you.  My psychiatrist didn’t say anything about the suicidal stuff. I didn’t mention it either. It’s on the back burner for now. I still haven’t heard from the therapy place.

I have a meeting tomorrow with a therapist/consultant that I met with a couple months ago. I really need this appointment to vent as I am losing my mind between class and migraines. My sister and I got into a fight last night. The stress is just killing me so I am probably getting a freaking cold.

Fucking aggravated

I messaged the NP that ordered the holter monitor and she sent me a provider letter which basically said to me that everything is fine. I messaged back that how could everything be fine when I had these things and the palpitations were still ongoing. The nurse responds saying things is normal blah blah blah. I tell her I am still having the palpitations more frequently and now I am getting short of breath at short distances. Going around the block gets me winded and going up the stairs does too. I am waiting for a response.

I am in anxiety mode over this. Like what the fuck. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and if the pcp says this this normal, I am asking for an increase in Ativan because there is no way one pill a day is going to get me through this shit. I am so anxious right now I just took one because I needed to. I texted my DMH worker about this. I am glad I am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. I had forgotten then say the reminder on my phone.

I did some school work today. I sent the video for the group presentation. I hope it was sent ok. My phone had to “trim” it to send it via email so I am not sure all of it got sent. I haven’t done anything else. I don’t plan on doing anything else. I am wiped out. My anxiety is through the fucking roof. I made an appointment with a therapist/consultant for this week. I have appointments like nearly every day this week.  I saw my advisor today. She said I have a 3.66 avg in class. I am floored. I still am going to meet with the professor on Friday to find out why I did so poorly on my exam. I thought I did better.

I feel a headache coming on. Fucking christ. This is the fourth day in a row I have had a headache. I woke up in the middle of the night with a migraine. It was dream related. Thankfully it went away without any intervention. I wanted to cut my head off last night the headache was terrible. I couldn’t do anything or concentrate. It was pissing me off. If I get one tonight, I will message my neuro in the morning. I really don’t want to go back to the ED.