midnightdemons7

Neuro and other things

I had weird dreams that caused me headaches when I woke up from them. It has been a fucking morning. I had one cup of coffee so far. I plan on having at least one more soon. I saw my neuro. She is going to put me on another PRN migraine medication that is similar to the injection I take. She is hopeful that this recent bout of headaches will dissipate soon. I hope so because I can’t read while my head is hurting and I need to get cracking on my textbook.

I had my meeting with my DMH worker yesterday. It was such a nice day. We talked about stuff and I got her caught up on where I was with Mass Rehab. I see her again in a couple of weeks. Monday I am going to call the place where the therapist is and see if I truly got to wait five months for someone. I really need to have someone to talk to regularly.

I picked up some hot dogs yesterday. I plan on having them for lunch today. I might make a pasta salad for dinner. I bought colored pasta and a creamy Italian dressing. I got to shower today. I was all sweaty and stinky yesterday but I ran out of spoons as I got a migraine in the afternoon before I saw my DMH worker. I felt so awful. I went to bed kind of late. I still woke up in the middle of the night to pee. I didn’t stay up though. I was able to get back to sleep.

My neuro wants me to talk to a therapist about the dreams giving me migraines. The therapist I was seeing before mentioned that it was psychological but she never delved into it or explored it with me. I really hated when she did shit like that. Part of the reason I no longer see her.

I am in such a mood today. I just want to lay down. I need to keep busy to prevent this from happening. I am going to make lunch soon. I might have baked beans with the hot dogs. I am going to try and increase my fluids today. I am keeping track mentally of what I drink. Goal is to drink at least 128 ounces (3840 ml). I am half way there, so far. This headache is making me want to lay down. I can’t seem to get rid of it. The migraine aspect of it is gone but the rebound headache sucks. The headache is now giving me pins and needles on my head. I got to take gaba for it. Neuro said to add it in the afternoon. Not sure it will make me tired. I know it will probably make me goofy and spaced out.

I had to call registration because my insurance has been pending review all year. I had to go through the whole speal. I found out that social security didn’t update my gender to Medicare so now I have to call them to change it. I also got to email my birth certificate to change it to male for my medical records. Being on the phone wasn’t what I had planned for today.

I need to shower. I hate showering. Always flares up my back and makes me tired. I am not in the shower long, maybe ten minutes tops. I really miss the days where I used to shower whenever and be ok with it.

A much cooler day

It’s been in the 60s most of the day today and it has been so nice. I didn’t do anything today. I tried to get going but after I had my coffee, I got a headache and just didn’t feel like going out. I got the mother of a toothache going on right now. I don’t know what set it off. I woke up with it hurting. I took some pain meds and ibuprofen to calm it down.

I am not really hungry today. I had waffles with my coffee and that has been the only thing I have eaten today, aside from the ice cream I devoured for my dinner. I am fucking pissed someone ate one of my pints. I found it half eaten in the freezer. Asshole.

I have been in a mood all day. I have been fighting the urge to sleep. I just want to lay down. I am supposed to see my DMH worker tomorrow. I hope I end up leaving the house rather than having a phone conversation. The social worker at the hospital said my insurance doesn’t cover partial hospital, only inpatient. I guess I am not going to a partial program then. I don’t want to be admitted. I don’t see a reason to be admitted as I am not suicidal. I just need some contact with a MHP that is a little frequent because I am struggling with the depression.

I am struggling with getting my thoughts today. I keep zoning out. I slept pretty well despite waking up at 230 to pee. I went back to sleep though until I had to pee again at 730. I should have stayed up but went back to sleep and I think that was a mistake. I got to leave the house by 1 tomorrow. I am not sure if I will go on the Orange line or take the green line in. will depend on my mood.

Migraines caused by emotion?

I just had a bad dream about my mother. We were at my house in East Boston. She was watching tv in the living room. I went to tell her that the fires in the west were diminished or something to that effect and she just mumbled. I started poking her to see if she was alright and she didn’t respond. I knew she was having a low blood sugar event so I told my sister to get some juice for her. I go back to the living room and she is passed out on the couch, lying down like she was dead. I call 911 on my phone and my phone wouldn’t place the call. Then I wake up and my head is hurting. I read for a bit. Took some Tylenol and couldn’t stop thinking about my mother. Now I got a damn migraine. The left side of my head is throbbing.

When I first started getting migraines back in 2004/2005, I noticed they seem to happen when I was in therapy. The more I tried to talk about my emotions, the more migraines I got. They were debilitating. I still worked though. I don’t know how I managed. I had tried several different medications for my migraines till I came across the one I take now. It works fairly well. Then when I found out I had high blood pressure and it got controlled, the migraines became less frequent. I was still getting my menses at the time and migraines would happen around the time I got it. I was migraine free for a long time after my menses were stopped. Now they seem to happen around my dreams and if I have emotional attachment to the dreams. It also happens if I am in the dream rather than just watching as events play out. This is so fucking weird. No one has an explanation for this phenomenon. I tell the doctors and they are intrigued.

I can’t get back to sleep. It my favorite hour. I woke before 2am. It’s now 330am. I took some Ativan to try and get back to sleep. My head hurts. I do miss my mother. I’ve been having dreams about her at least a few times a week. This is the first bad one that I had about her. Her hypoglycemic episodes were always scary. As she got older, it was harder to bring her around and sometimes we would have to call 911 and she would have to go to the ED for observation. Then her sugars would be sky high for a couple days. She would be mad when she came out of the episode and we had to call 911. Sometimes she refused to go to the hospital after she came out of it, when her sugar came up. We’d always keep a close eye on her. I have always been a light sleeper so I would always keep an ear out for her during the night. Old habits die hard. It has been so hard to break this habit as even though she is gone, I am still trying to hear the walker or a thump or something from downstairs. Sometimes my hypervigilance gets activated and it is really hard to sleep when it is. Every noise freaks me out. My nephew would sometimes leave his room and his door would always make a noise. He would go out to make something to eat or smoke. I miss him. I haven’t heard from him in a while. I text him but never get a response. He moved out in June, a week before his birthday. I haven’t seen him since we celebrated his day. He turned 30. I love him so much.

I am going to read Moby Dick for a bit. I am sort of learning about whales from the point of view of the 19^th century and about how whales were captured and taken for their blubber. It has been interesting but some parts have been pretty boring. I have about 50 chapters left. The chapters aren’t that long. I can usually read them in about twenty minutes or so. Just mindless reading. I do love the classics though. I plan on reading Whuthering Heights next.