midnightdemons7

Still in a grumpy mood

I have been dealing with UTI symptoms the past few days and today is bad. I have frequent urination and pain. I took some pyridium to ease the pain. I finally have some relief. I took a shower and shaved. I also brushed my teeth. I haven’t eaten anything yet, other than my biscuits with my coffee. I wanted to make pasta salad but someone seems to have used the pasta I had gotten from my sister. I forgot to get pasta on my grocery order. I didn’t think about it until the next day.

I realized this morning I forgot to pay my insurance for the month and I don’t have the money to pay it right now. Ugh. I hope I don’t get canceled. They are on a new system this year and I have to go on the website to pay my bill rather than send them a check. This is the first time I forgot. I just worry because my meds might end up being messed up because of this more than my health care. I have an appointment tomorrow and hope I still have insurance.

I don’t really feel like cooking. I might make a bologna sandwich. I really want a gordita but I can’t be spending money on take out. I made plans with my friend for tomorrow night so I need money for that. I am still waiting for amazon to put through my book order. I should be getting my books sometime over the weekend I hope. I found a box of penne and made some pasta salad. I made too much pasta so I will have some for tomorrow. I am tired now. I drank a big glass of iced tea.

I want to see the Celine Dion documentary on Prime. It looks really good and I love her so much. I think I will cry though. She has been through so much.

Grumpy day

I woke up in a grumpy mood. I woke up later than I wanted to. By that time, there were some storms in the area and I didn’t want to leave the house.  I will try tomorrow to get my meds and return my book. I feel so depressed and miserable. Nothing has really happened but I just feel out of sorts.

My book is getting some attention. I reached out to the local library and they are looking into having an event and ordering my book. I also sent a message to my hometown library asking if I could have an event there. I haven’t heard back yet.

I got a thing from UMB saying the bills will be rolling out soon. I still haven’t received a financial aid package yet. I am waiting to see if I get one. They forwarded my email to another person in the department.

Today I was supposed to meet up with a friend but she canceled on me. I think we will be going out on Wed night. I will be in Boston so we can go to my favorite Thai food place. Her birthday is today and I wished her a happy birthday. I think her son will be joining us for dinner. I haven’t seen him in more than a year. I miss hanging out with her but she lives south of Boston so it is hard to have a get together.

I reached out to my pcp about my mood. I haven’t heard back yet. I think I might have another UTI as I have had frequent urination today and pain when peeing. I also have leaked a few times. I need to shower but I don’t have the damn energy. I just want to lay down and don’t do anything. I am in such a bad mood. I think I am going to have Ben and Jerry’s for supper again. I think I will have Cherry Garcia. I will save my brownie chocolate batter for when I really need chocolate. It is hot in the house so I can’t stay in the kitchen long. I had oatmeal for lunch. It was good until I got a nut stuck in my tooth. I managed to brush it out while I brushed my teeth. I didn’t brush my teeth yesterday because the bathroom was in disarray most of the day. It’s finally back together again.

I can’t believe it’s July 1^st already. I know I said I would start Principles of Psychology but I am not in a reading mood right now. I just want to fucking sleep. I feel so damn miserable. I miss my mother. I hate that she isn’t here. Fuck. I hate not having a therapist. It keeps me grounded and right now I feel like I am just winging things. I am trying to avoid going to psych emergency, either in the hospital or at the community center. They have walk-in services but I don’t really know what I am doing other than reaching out. I feel fearful most of the time that I am going to end up back in the hospital. I hope it doesn’t happen.

Take everything from the inside

I slept in really late. I went to bed kind of late. I couldn’t sleep after the time being out and I read for a bit. My foot acted up and I took some gaba. It is hot today. My room is in the 80s and I just turned the AC on. Someone posted a pic of Linkin Park so I had to play the Meteora album. It is my top favorite of LP.

I am kind of in a depressed mood. My niece texted me that she was over the house when I just got up. I was having my first cup of coffee. I went downstairs and my sister had made some food. I had some and then had to go upstairs because her kitchen was so hot. I came upstairs and my room was hotter. It was 82/27 degrees and I put on the AC. It is 88/31 degrees outside. Right now the temp in my room is 78 so it is getting there. I get grumpy in the heat. But I don’t know why I feel so depressed. Nothing happened. I miss my mother so maybe some of it is grief. My sister is cleaning the bathroom and doing it slowly. Pisses  me off because it takes her all fucking day. I think I am going to take a shower at my sister’s on the 1^st floor. Our shower is dismantled right now. I fricken stink and I don’t like it.

Last night I was trying to read Moby Dick. I had plugged in my Kindle but I didn’t realize the charger wasn’t in the wall until I went to use it. I wondered why it didn’t charge and I thought maybe it just died but it was because the charger wasn’t in the wall, thank god. My kindle is old. I bought it in 2016, I think. I keep getting messages from Amazon about the newer Kindles they have but I am happy with mine. I only use it for book reading. I looked up how many chapters there were in Moby Dick and there are 135. I am on chapter 28. I was on 25 but it was such a short chapter, I decided to read a couple more. They are short chapters, which I like. It is easy, mindless reading.

I got a message from my local library that will be buying my book!! I send a message asking them if a local author can do an event to spread word on my book. I also emailed the Boston public library the same thing. I am hoping as I am a former student of East Boston High it will give me some weight.

I’m wearing a hat, my favorite Sox hat. I just felt like wearing one indoors. I usually don’t because I get hot but I just felt like covering my head today. It has a day’s growth of hair. I am tempted to use my electric shaver to get it off but I don’t know if that will create hair dust. I need to do my meds shortly for the week. I am so tired and just want to go back to bed. Sox are winning so far. They lost their last two games with San Diego. They were complete blow outs. I was not happy. I told my pdoc they are unreliable. I had one game where they came back to win and I was high for the night. Then they lost the next few games. They had a brief streak going but now it is a losing streak. Though with a win today, it will break it up.

Saturday Blog 29062024

I woke up around 1am last night. It took me a long while to get back to sleep. I finished No Right To An Honest Living. It was so well written but highlighted how racism is still prevalent in Boston since before Civil War times. The earned low wages just like they do today and if a white establishment hired Black people, it diminished business. The people often moved from job to job. No one had anything close to job security. Even doctors and lawyers had a hard time staying afloat because the people couldn’t pay the fees. It is really sad. And here it is almost 300 years later and discrimination still exists.

I wanted to go to return the library book today and pick up my remaining meds but I didn’t get up early enough. I just wanted to sleep. We celebrated my nephew today. Yesterday he turned thirty. I just got home and even though I didn’t do anything strenuous, I am exhausted from being out. We walked to the restaurant from my nephew’s place and it took its toll on me. I couldn’t walk back so rode with my aunt and sister. It was a nice outing even though I am exhausted.

I got a message response from my pdoc. It pissed me off because he didn’t offer much and then said “we’ll talk at our next appointment”. Bullshit. Never in all my time being a patient did we talk about things at the next appointment. I am so frustrated. He said that things might improve once I have a therapist again. Well, that isn’t going to be until sometime in Sept so what am I going to do until then?? Fuck.

I shaved my head and brushed my teeth. I wanted to shower but my sister took the curtain down and I didn’t feel like going to the 1^st floor. I went out stinky and didn’t care. I am tired and I think I am going to read Moby Dick for a little while and then go to bed. I wanted to read something else last night but I have Moby on my kindle and it needed to be charged as it died. Starting July 1^st I am going to read principles of psychology. It is a heavy book that will probably take me all summer to read.