midnightdemons7

What’s beyond tired?

Again, last night I slept for a few hours and then woke up around 0030. I was thirsty so I had something to drink. Then I read for a few hours. Around 3, my foot exploded in pain. It was already having nerve pain so I took some gaba and when that pain was gone, I got the physical pain. I sent a message to my pcp about it as I asked for a refill on my pain meds. My lab work came back ok, my lipids were slightly elevated but it was to be expected as it wasn’t a true fasting sample. My T level came back good. I woke up a few hours after sleeping. I think my sister woke me up as I heard her footsteps on the stairs. She is not a quiet walker. I went back to sleep after I took my meds and then I woke up to my phone ringing. It was my pdoc’s office calling to schedule an appointment. I will call later.

I had a couple cups of coffee and made breakfast. Now I am exhausted again. I feel like I can go right back to sleep. My good foot hurts. I don’t know why the area I sprained keeps flaring up. I just take some ibuprofen for it. It’s not even swollen or red or anything. It hurts while I am at rest. When I am walking or standing, it doesn’t bother me so much. So weird.

I need to shave my head today and I might shower. I was really sweaty yesterday but was too tired to take a shower last night. I was glad the game wasn’t on as I just went to bed around 1930, really early for me so I wasn’t surprised to wake up around/after midnight. I also took the Latuda with senna early. I didn’t mean to take the senna but I just absentmindedly took it then realized I should have waited. I was getting some bowel activity around 4am but I didn’t go. It was just gas. I hope I go today as I am feeling backed up. I didn’t go yesterday and I hate it when I miss a day.

My DMH worker told me about an independent bookstore in Boston that caters to independent authors. I filled out a few forms for them and hope they respond. I plan on getting some extra books to them. I will get 60% of the proceeds if they sell. I also filled out a form for holding an event. I have no idea what I would say. That is if I get approved. I hope they accept it. And I don’t have to pay for the event because that would suck.

Blood donation let down

I woke up around 1am after sleeping a few hours. I had to pee. I couldn’t go back to sleep and this meant trouble as I had to get up early. I got up again to pee when my med alarm went off but made the mistake of going back to sleep. Then it was a scramble to get ready. I had a cup of coffee and then just threw on some socks and headed for the bus stop. I had packed a couple of powerades with me and my book. I figure if I had some down time I might read.

I got to the blood donation center a few minutes after 12. I was already sweating going through the buildings as the center was at the opposite end of the hospital. I was checked in and did the paperwork. They took my blood pressure a few times but my heart rate was too high and I couldn’t donate. I was so bummed. I took my time going down the street to the DMH office. It was fucking so damn hot. I stopped where my pcp’s office was to sit for a bit and drink some fluids. Then I walked around the corner and met my DMH worker.

She was so glad I saw her. She is always so happy to see me. I met her supervisor today. He seemed like  a nice guy. We talked for over an hour. There really isn’t much happening as I am on a waitlist for Mass Rehab and therapy. I told her I would be talking to my psychiatrist today and she was glad. I also told her I had an appointment with my pcp. We ended around 230 and I walked up the street to my pcp’s office. I had to go pee so I went early. There was a new receptionist at the counter that I met the last time I went there. They checked me in and then I used the bathroom. I was starting to lose steam. I was so damn hot.

My pcp and I talked about a lot of issues. My heartrate had gone down by the time she listened to my heart. I was glad. She said on days like today she isn’t surprised my heart rate was up. She did a bunch of bloodwork and she is going to refer me to a sleep specialist. She said it was ok to take two allegra if I needed to. She would prefer that over Benadryl use. I am still going to use the Benadryl because it helps me sleep better.

I was kind of late with my appointment with my psychiatrist. I was just chatting with the MA who drew my blood and lost track of time. They said they would put the times in for when I was next to be seen. I talked with my psychiatrist about the day and stuff and then he was like see you in a couple of months. Fuck you. I hate him. I sent him my DMH worker’s contact info.

I bought a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to have for dinner. It was nice and melty by the time I came home. I took my night meds and now I am going to go to bed. I am so fucking tired.

Bedding changed and washed

I decided to change my bedsheets today. I had a couple cups of coffee and then had to go to my room for the second cup because I was sweating in the kitchen. It’s really hot today. I have been making sure to drink enough fluids as tomorrow I will be donating blood. I am almost done with my first bottle of Powerade. Plan is to drink at least two bottles and water.

I had a turkey sandwich for lunch as I got up around 1130. I had woken up around 3am to pee and had a hard time falling back asleep. I read for a bit. I am making progress in No Right To An Honest Living. I am almost half way done. I should be done with it by next week, if I continue on this pace. I will be taking the book with me tomorrow as I have some downtime between my DMH appointment and my pcp’s. It’s supposed to be 100 degrees tomorrow. I will be taking my time walking around MGH. I plan on bringing at least two bottles of Powerade with me. I might bring a sandwich, too. PB&J. All depends if I can get up early enough. I am trying to drink all my fluids before 7 tonight so I don’t wake up in the middle of the night to pee again.

I had a weird dream and a nightmare last night. I don’t remember the bad dream but I woke up startled. There was some light coming through the window last night, not enough to keep me awake but enough to annoy me. I used to have clips in my room to keep the curtains closed but I have no idea where they are as it has been a few years since I used them last. I have no idea what I am going to eat tonight. It is too hot to make a pot pie. I might just make a PB&J. It will be quick and easy.

My moods are starting to dip around 430pm and later. I am trying not to catastrophize things. I am still trying to promote my book but there are days I don’t feel like it. I just don’t know what to say anymore. I haven’t been getting inquiries into my book signing. I think that I just need to find the right audience to sell my book. I will be giving two copies to the Transgender Program where I go for care. I just requested local libraries to purchase my book. I also put a copy in the free books where people have their cases. I forget what they are called. There are two in my area. I have placed my copy of Midnight Demon and it is no longer there so I think someone might have taken it. I will do the same with this book.

Life would be dream

This song is stuck in my head after watching a reel of a baby. I just shaved my head and it feels so good. I think I need to put some kind of lotion on as it doesn’t feel smooth but dry. I like being bald. I am growing out my beard. It will take a few days to grow back.

I spent some time trying to figure out what financial aid needs as I got a message saying they had “missing information”. When I clicked on the thing it said it was in review. I don’t get it. I sent another email asking what to do. Haven’t received any response yet.

I slept fairly well last night despite waking up at 3 to pee. I couldn’t go back to sleep right away so I took some Ativan and read until like 430. I put the curtains down and it has blocked light from coming in my room. I really love my room being dark. I plan on reading some more after I finish this blog.

I just had lunch. I took someone’s pizza from the fridge. It has been there since Sat so it needed to be eaten. I had two cups of coffee. My second cup wasn’t as full because I forgot to put my cup in the Keurig when I started it. Oops. I need to load the dishwasher. I unloaded it and my stupid sister had a vase that was fucking heavy. It caused the rack to come out. I texted my sister to check I put it on right. Fucking idiot she is.

Both the Sox and Celtics won last night. Celtics got their 18^th championship. I am so happy. Their last win was in 2008 and before that was 1986, which I remember well as I watched it. My youngest sister went to the casino with my aunt and cousin today. I won’t see her for a few days. I hope her Panda game wins her money. She is so lucky on the machine. When I went with her to see Sara Evans back in Jan, she won a lot. One game was $600 and the next game was almost $3k.

Listening to Terri Clark today. I love her so much. She is coming out with a semi-new duet album. I can’t wait. Trisha Yearwood is supposed to come out with a new album but I haven’t seen when. I am really excited about it because she hasn’t come out with something new in forever. I don’t know if Mary Chapin Carpenter is working on anything. I miss Twitter as I got most of my news from their but I no longer go on since the leader is a nazi sympathizer and just a white supremacist.

I just ate but am hungry again. I am thinking of making a turkey wrap with cranberry sauce. Also thinking of making another cup of coffee. I am tired despite sleeping well. I got up around 1pm. It is really hot in the house. It’s like 86 degrees today. Apparently there was a 911 blackout. I just got several messages it is back online. I am glad.