midnightdemons7

Did all the things I planned on doing

Last night before I fell asleep, I thought a vague idea of doing all that needed to be doing today. Trouble was, I woke up at 0030 and it took forever for me to get back to sleep. I didn’t think I would do anything, much less wake up and get up before 12. I managed to get up around 1030 because my bladder had to be emptied. I then took my meds and had some coffee. Then I brushed my teeth and shaved my head. I went back to my room to check the bus schedule and get dressed. Bus would be there in like a half hour so I took my time deciding what to wear. It was cool out so I decided to wear my sweatpants. I didn’t wear a jacket or long-sleeve shirt. The wind made things chilly but bearable.

My first stop was to get my meds in the Square. I thought about going to Starbucks but I really didn’t want another coffee. I got my meds and then went into Boston to drop off a urine sample. I asked my doc to check to see if I have a UTI as the urgency has been a problem. I then left to go out of Boston to pick up my glasses. I love my new glasses. They aren’t transitions but that is ok. I will wear them for when I am at the house and not going outside.

It took like two hours to get there and back. Then I decided to go to the grocery store and get some stuff for Shepard’s pie. I was starving as I hadn’t eaten anything but there was cake and it was supposed to be buy one get one free but when I rang it up, it wasn’t that way. So I just had the one slice. I figure I would have it with the leftover pizza from yesterday. I was on my way home when my pcp called me. My urine results were positive for infection so she sent a script for an antibiotic. Culture won’t be back until Sunday and honestly I am surprised as I didn’t think it would show anything. I’ll pick up the antibiotic tomorrow.

I came home and ate. Put the stuff away. And now I am resting. Game is on tonight but I don’t know if I will listen as I am wicked tired. I was out for nearly four and a half hours. I am so beat. If my step counter is correct, I did over 6K. That is a lot of walking. The only thing that sucks is that I forgot to buy gravy for the Shepard’s pie. I also want to get turkey for sandwiches. Maybe I will have my brother in law take me tomorrow.

I need to study for the final. I don’t think I will be doing any studying today as I am so tired. Grades haven’t been posted on exam 4 yet. Maybe this weekend it will come through. If I got a good grade on it, I won’t take the final. I am happy where I stand right now.

Feeling out of sorts

I woke up today and did not want to get out of bed. My body just was not having it. I cancelled my grocery store trip with my cousin. I stayed in bed till 130 or so. I got up to have coffee and something to eat. I just had one cup of coffee. Sox aren’t playing tonight so that is all I will have. I need to go out tomorrow to get my glasses and meds. Allergies have been off the hook today. I have been sneezing and my eyes have been watering.

I have been going over the keys for the final. Exam 3 was just posted. I don’t know if I want to take the final or not. I am studying for it anyway. There is a lot of information to go over.

I am wicked tired. I ordered pizza because I felt like it. I am out of ice cream. I think tomorrow I will go to the square to pick up my meds and then go get my glasses. That is the plan for now. I am tired just thinking about it. I feel so depressed. It’s Mother’s day weekend and I keep thinking about my mother. I hate this weekend.

About anger

I had texted my therapist last night that I wanted to cancel. She texted me back with some questions. I responded this morning with I don’t know what to work on or need and she responded with bullshit. See you at noon. I was so angry. I was already angry to begin with but this just pissed me off. So I decided to keep the appointment and talk about anger. Everything has been making me angry. I am mad at my sister for losing my charger to my trimmer. I am mad that I had to withdraw from class and not sure if I will be penalized for it in the fall. I am mad the contractors fucked up my porch and is taking forever to get this work that started in December finished. I just want to pound something or go off on someone. It was raining today so no workers came. It has been nice Mon and Tues and no one showed. Assholes. I realized while talking to my therapist I am still angry at my mother and the grief she caused. Over the weekend I saw a note I made a day before I overdosed in Aug. It was about her saying that she will always call me daughter and never son. It hurt. It still hurts and it’s been more than a year. I will never know if she truly saw me as her son as she was dying or if it was a false thing because her mind was gone.

After therapy I tried studying for a bit. I am going over exam and quiz keys. I am hoping to have our exam from yesterday posted soon. If I did ok, I might not need to take the final. I am happy with a B right now.

I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I think I will before bed. I took a brief nap for a bit but I still feel sleepy. I had an okay night sleeping. I listened until the last out of the game. The Sox lost. I think I need to go on the road with them. Trouble is, I don’t have the money for hotels and stuff. It would be cool to go to the different ballparks. It has been a dream of mine, maybe a bucketlist one.

My proof came. I am going to go through it later. I haven’t decided if I am going to read it or just go through the pages to make sure it looks ok. My last book had a blank page in the middle of the book between chapters so I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again.

I have had sinus pressure today that is off the hook. I have been sneezing and stuffy. I hate allergies. I also been having an urgent bladder which sometimes results in leaking. I reached out to my doc to see of I can get a test for it. It’s been going on for about two weeks now. I thought it would have settled down by now but it hasn’t. I have no other symptoms but I hate wetting my pants every now and then because I don’t make it to the bathroom in time. If someone is in the bathroom, I can’t wait it out. I have to go downstairs to my sister’s. It’s a pain. I’m grateful to have the extra bathroom use though. Has saved me more than a few times.

Semester is over

Today was the last day of class but I had an exam today. I didn’t know the fucking red line was going to have shuttle busses south of Boston. I had to take a shuttle bus to the station and then take the university shuttle to campus. I was a few minutes late to class but still had plenty of time to take the exam. I was done in like 20 mins or so. It was so easy and some of the questions were from the assessments that we took so I knew the right answer. I hope I did well on it and grades come in by the end of the week so I can make a decision about taking the final or not. I plan on studying tomorrow and rest of the week.

I couldn’t stand my stink last night so took a shower and then put deodorant on. I was bored after my shower. But my allergies were out of control so I took a Benadryl after I took some Ativan because my back was cramping so bad after the shower. I was pretty much toast by 9pm. I did wake up a little after midnight to pee but was able to get back to sleep. I got up around 1040. I had one cup of coffee and then I left. I left at a later time and wish I didn’t because of the shuttle situation. I was stressing out big time about it.

I wanted Taco Bell for dinner so I ordered my gorditas. They were so good. I just took the Latuda because I had a good amount of calories. If it makes me sleepy, oh well. I asked my pcp for a muscle relaxant. She is sending one to the pharmacy. I hope it helps these stupid cramps. Sox are on tonight. They are playing Atlanta Braves. I don’t know how the Braves have been doing. But it doesn’t matter as the Sox will do the opposite of how well or poor they are.

I ordered my proof. It should hopefully come in by Thursday. If all looks good, I might publish Friday or the weekend. I don’t know yet. I am really nervous about it because I really didn’t change the tenses while editing it because it was hard to find where they were. I am still mad at the editor for not doing the work for me. That was the whole point in hiring her. Lesson learned.

I have therapy tomorrow. I wrote down some stuff to talk about. I don’t know if it will be enough for the whole session but we’ll see. I took an Ativan because cramps were bad and now I feel sleepy. I might lay down for a bit. Game is on in like an hour. I will rest until then. Hope I don’t fall asleep or I will be up at 2am again.