so far down away from the sun

So far down away from the sun

I made myself lunch and now I am paying for it. My foot is flared up, again. I took my regular pain meds and if they don’t work by 1500, I will take the strong pain meds. I hate that doing something so simple causes me pain. It was bothering me before I started cooking but standing and doing it made it worse.

I ordered some stuff from Starbucks. I had bought some K-cups for the Keurig my sister has. I didn’t know at the time that it was out of commission. Now I have to return the cups. I did buy a water bottle. I fill it with iced tea and have been trying to drink more as I know I am dehydrated. I am hoping that it reminds me to drink. I dilute the tea with ice so it’s just more like flavored water than tea.

I finally finished Robert Lowell while having my coffee. Now I can get started on the book my friend gave me on Maya the bee or something like that. I will start it later tonight. I entered the Lowell book on my reading challenge. I have read 3 books of the 30 that I want to read for the year.

I didn’t have a good sleep. I woke up several time during the night because of pain. I really couldn’t get much relief last night. And now with my foot acting up, I just don’t know if I will ever have relief. I put lidocaine on my ankle and foot, the prescription one, and it took forever to dry because it is so thick. It worked but I really don’t like using it. I think I will stick with the OTC brand.

I have decided that once I finish drinking the 24 ounces of tea, I am going to have some Oreos as I have been craving them. I had some last night but they weren’t enough to fill me up. I wanted to have almond milk with it but the carton was in the back of the fridge and it froze. Damn fridge. I have it thawing out. I hope it’s still good. I am out of half and half so will need to get some more. I am debating on either waiting till I can order my groceries or just go to the store and get it so I can have coffee tomorrow. I am so indecisive lately. I don’t know if it is the pain or the depression or both.

I want to take a shower but that is impossible. There is no way I can stand for 15 minutes or so with my foot acting all fucking crazy like it is. I fucking hate being in so much damn pain. I just want to complain to someone but I don’t even know who to talk to. I am so frustrated. This has gone on for a week now. Same fucking pain every single day and sometimes it spreads to my ankle, which just about kills me. I want to get bombed but I have no idea if that will help me or not. I just want to zone out and have some relief from my ailing foot/ankle. I am on very thin ice and I fear that soon that ice is going to crack and I am going to fall through.

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