midnightdemons7

Geometric storms cause migraines

I’ve been up since 5. I had to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep. By the time my sister left at 7 I knew I wasn’t going to fall back asleep. I had a slight headache. I learned there was northern lights last night and because of that solar flare, I later got a migraine that affected my vision. Luckily naprosen and another dose of Tylenol made it go away after taking some Zofran.

I couldn’t deal with the paper today. I haven’t done any school work. All afternoon I was placing phone calls because the billing center for my therapist called and ran into some issues. I hope they file the claims the right way or they won’t get paid properly. I was getting the run around so I am not sure it is right but I wasn’t going to make another phone call after the last one confirmed they had my insurance right. When my therapist calls, I will tell her and hopefully it will be filed correctly.

I tried to nap but failed when I got nauseous. I had my neuro appt today and she was like 20 minutes late and the appt lasted 10 minutes. I was pissed. I hate that there is no way for the provider to let me know they are running late. I was going to skip the appt.

I don’t know what I am doing with my paper. My professor gave me some articles that dealt with treatment so I was thinking about writing about that as we have come a long way since the 1800s but still need to work on keeping people alive and away from the hospital as that seems to just make everything worse. I got like five days to figure this out and write at least 9 pages. I don’t know why this is so hard for me. Only thing I can think of is the depression causing this block. Today I really had the fuck its and didn’t care if I turned the paper in or not, even though it’s like 30% of my grade. I just can’t focus lately. Everything feels wrong. I don’t know what to do.

I need a shower and a shave. I was going to do that today but my sister called me and told me to wait for the window guy but it turned out that he had already came. So I was downstairs for nothing. It disrupted my routine. I did manage to brush my teeth. I think I am going to go to bed early. Maybe if I wake up in the middle of the night, I will have inspiration to write something. I always seem to write my best in the wee hours of the morning. I don’t know why that is, hence why I named myself the midnight demon.

Tiring day and still have writer’s block

I got up early because I had a doctor’s appt. I took a trazodone the past two nights and my sleep has been filled with weird dreams. Last night I wasn’t sure if I was sleeping or dreaming. It just felt like things were happening in real life. Then in the middle of the night, my stomach was bothering me. Acid kept coming up, causing me to cough. I had the hungry horrors yesterday and ate a lot of food. I was sick to my stomach by being so full. I didn’t have anything after like 3 pm because I didn’t want to get sick. I got the gags from post nasal drip and that caused me to vomit.

My appt was really just a nursing visit by the medical assistant who is running the job as a nurse and medical assistant as the nurses are on maternity and paternity leave. My BP was normal today. I was expecting a note from my pcp but I didn’t get one. I guess I am to continue on only one blood pressure med for now. I go back next week for the same thing.

I went to the square afterwards. I was carrying my library books and returned them. I was hoping to get a book but today is a holiday and they were closed. I got my meds and then came home. I was hungry so I made something to eat. Then my sister texted me asking me if I wanted soup. I just had a sandwich so I went downstairs for soup. It was filling.

I came back to my room and tried working on my paper but nothing was coming to me but confusion. I have like 6 days to write 10 pages. I only have a paragraph written so far. My articles I thought would be helpful were not. I feel so screwed and my brain is betraying me. I keep looking at the cursor and nothing is happening. I can’t even think about the book I read before the semester started. I got to work that in somehow.

The only positive thing today was that a therapist called from the organization my psychiatrist recommended. We talked for a few minutes and then she sent me a link for access to their system. I had worked like an hour and a half on all the consents, policy reviews, and questionnaires. I had to lie down after as I was just tired. I had been sneezing most of the day and had either a runny or stuffy nose. I don’t know if I am coming down with a cold or if this is just allergies. It was wicked cold today. I had to bust out my winter jacket. The wind made everything colder. And looks like the parking lot is going to finally begin construction because they blocked off access through it. I had to walk around the block to get to the bus stop. I also wore a mask because I didn’t know if I have a cold or not and I didn’t want to spread it nor did I want to catch anything.

I am so tired. I need to write something for my paper. But I can’t be up too late because I got an appt tomorrow morning with my neuro NP. I spent one of the nights not sleeping as I was just wired. I kept writing a sentence and then playing my game. This went on for most of the night until it got to be like midnight and I decided to try to sleep. I failed. My sleep has always been crap. I tried the trazodone again because a friend said they use it to stay asleep during the night. I figure I would try it. For two nights it helped, aside from the reflux last night. I just wish the weird dreaming would stop. It’s kind of freaky and makes no sense when I wake up. I don’t remember them now but I wake up so confused.

Didn’t sleep last night

I was playing my game and writing my paper. It got late and I got kind of wired. I couldn’t settle down. I was up most of the night. I even turned on the white noise machine but it didn’t help. I had something to eat around 6 and took my meds and then I was able to sleep for a few hours.

I feel really tired today. I haven’t done much. I had something to eat and had my coffee. My sister was upset with me and let me know it so that made me feel really good. She said she doesn’t think it’s my mental illness or depression that is the reason just that I am an asshole. I felt so good. (I am being wicked sarcastic here on feeling good) I felt really bad and disgusted. I didn’t say anything to her at all.

I messaged my pcp to ask if the therapists at her office are short term or long term. If they are long term, I might be willing to see them. I am not finding any luck elsewhere. My psychiatrist said that he would ask his assistant to search for someone but I don’t know if I want to see another therapist where everyone can see my record. It feels intrusive.

I am really struggling. I have been in bed all weekend and have not really left the house in days. I am glad I took a shower yesterday. I am going to try and take another one tomorrow. I still have school work that needs to be done. I just don’t know how I am going to get it done. I have no fucking energy or motivation.

It’s windy so the cold air is coming through my window. My room is cold and my feet are freezing. I got to find a pair of socks to put on that are comfy. I have the thermal socks but they tend to cut my circulation in my calf because it gets tight. There’s like no stretch. I hate it. I have thick legs. They’re not swollen they just are big.