midnightdemons7

Listening to 90s country

I was watching a reel and it ended with some 90s country song. I decided to listen to it on Pandora. I am trying to drink more water. I didn’t really drink yesterday. I got up today after 1230. I just couldn’t get out of bed. I slept through the night so I don’t know why I had such a hard time. My sister was home today. For the second day, the puppy isn’t home. I am sad. I haven’t seen her sweet face. My niece sent a few pics. But it isn’t the same as seeing her.

I am so tired. I made myself brunch. A bacon and cheese sandwich. It was so good. I almost used the entire package of bacon. I kept eating what I was making instead of putting it in a sandwich so I had to make more. It was so good. I cleaned up but I didn’t wash the pan.

I wanted Ben and Jerry’s but the store didn’t have it. I got Friendly’s instead. Not the same thing. I am so mad I am being denied. I am craving their Fudge brownie. I don’t think they make their Chocolate therapy anymore as I haven’t been able to find it.

I am so fucking pissed the Felon is cutting funding to the Trevor Project. It is the Trans youth suicide hotline. It originally was supposed to be Oct 1^st, but now it will be July 17^th. So if someone that is a youth calls 988 and is LGBTQ+, they won’t be connected. I don’t know what the crisis counselor will do. The Trevor Project will still be operational. It is just the funding from the 988 aspect that is being cut. I am so angry. He is so fucking sick in the head. And now with him going for Iran, I think WW3 is around the corner in the next few years, if not sooner. That is if a civil war doesn’t break out first. The ICE and police are continuing to bring havoc to people, taking them off the street and traffic stops.

I was thinking about going to the Pub Tues when I get paid next but I think I am just going to buy some burgers and rolls and grill them. It will be a few meals out of it rather than just one meal. I also want to buy my tuna. I have been craving it. Might have to buy mayo though as my sister has been using it a lot lately.

I just emailed my clinician at the partial and told her I wasn’t continuing with the program. I don’t like it. It’s draining me anyways. I will be fine with just therapy.

I had a hard time getting out of bed today. I didn’t go to partial. I needed to rest. I had a couple cups of coffee and then I took a shower. I was tired afterwards. I tried to nap but my damn phone kept going off. Then my DMH worker called and that was it for trying to nap. I had a good talk.

The puppy was clingy to me today. She is so cute. Her father lifted her up and when she saw me, did a flip to see me. It was so funny. Then a sock got her interest and I was old news lol.

I’ve been feeling depressed most of the day. I haven’t thought about suicide since I came home from the hospital. I’ve had no urges or intent. I just wish I had some energy or motivation. I haven’t left the house today as I just feel so shitty. I was going to take the puppy for a walk but my niece did. Twice. It is still muggy and I hate it. Next few days are going to be wicked hot. Might be a heat wave if the temps stay high enough.