midnightdemons7

Class and feeling down

I had class today. I slept through the night, only waking up around 530 to pee but was able to get back to sleep. I should have stayed up because after the alarms went off, I didn’t want to get up. I stayed in longer than I should have. I still made it on time to class. It was kind of boring. My DMH worker called near the end of class. I didn’t have a chance to text her while on the shuttle because it was crowded and I couldn’t pull my phone from my pocket. Then I forgot until I came home. We talked for a bit. It was nice. We didn’t stay on the phone long. She just wanted to check in and see how I was doing.

My mood started going south around 6. I don’t know why. I still feel really depressed. I keep thinking of ending it. I keep putting it off though. I feel this huge weight on me. I don’t know what it is about. I see my therapist tomorrow. Maybe we can sort through it.

I have a headache and my throat hurts. I think it is allergies. While walking home a big gust of wind brought pollen in my glasses. I was so freaked out because I am allergic to the trees. My throat just feels dry and sore. I also have a stomach ache. This was before I had coffee. It settled down some after I had something to eat. I didn’t make my chicken for dinner. I didn’t feel like cooking. Maybe tomorrow. I feel so tired. My legs were killing me when I came home. I didn’t walk more than I usually did while on campus.

I was so mad today. I had placed an order at CVS online and instead of it being at my “favorite” store, it was some store in NYC! I had to call them and cancel it. I had used all of my rewards for this order and I don’t think I am going to get them back. I am so mad. I still haven’t gotten an email saying the order has been canceled. Now I need to reorder everything. Such a pain in the ass. Then my sister got me mad. She accused me of breaking the vacuum. It’s an old machine and the piece got stuck so she blamed me. Fucking idiot.

I still need to make the story for my oral exam and practice it. I am going to see if I can call my friend and speak Italian to her. We can use cards so that will be helpful. But we can’t do a prepared text.  I don’t know if that is the same thing as memorizing a text. I am so fucking nervous. It is also the day I am supposed to appear in court but I can’t because I have class and the thing has been settled so I think I will be ok. All this worry is not helping my stomach.

I’ve been down most of the day. Only time I got out of bed was to eat something or use the bathroom. I did buzz my head and shaved it. Also have a goatee going again. My cousin never came by to do my neck. He said he will be by tomorrow. We’ll see.

It’s been cold today so I’ve kept my legs under the covers because I am wearing shorts. I did my meds for the week. One of my Italian things is graded. The prof made comments but I haven’t looked at them yet. I still haven’t made up a story for my oral exam. I’ll think of something.

I feel low. I have been home alone all day and will be the next few days as my sister and niece are in NY. I am going through puppy withdrawal. I’m meeting my DMH worker tomorrow. I like talking to her. I need to go grocery shopping before we meet as I need half and half. I took out some chicken for tomorrow night. I found a Ceasar dressing with parmesan cheese recipe for it. I’ll try it. I love Ceasar dressing. I often use it as a dip.

Saturday Blog 26042025

I took some pain meds and gabapentin last night and didn’t want to get up this morning. I was feeling sick. My throat hurt and I just felt under the weather. I was feeling really depressed and needed to talk to someone so I texted the crisis line. We chatted for about an hour or so. Nothing really happened but I felt better talking about concerns. It was better than me going to the ER.

I took a nap afterwards. I slept for a few hours. I was so damn tired. Even this morning I was up and I kept tipping over in a sleepy way. I don’t know why. I was up around 6 so I took my morning meds.

I had some hot dogs for dinner. It’s probably going to upset my gallbladder but I don’t care. I don’t get paid until next week so I can’t order food until then. I have to keep a hundred dollars so I can pay my cell phone. I normally pay it will my LTD check but it isn’t coming in until the 26 and I will be late if I pay then. I have to mail out the release form for the LTD. They are such pains in the ass.

I wanted to buzz my hair today but I haven’t had a chance to yet. I think I will wait till tomorrow. I still have recycle bags in my room. I took down four. They accumulated because I was too lazy to bring them down to the bin. I finally had some energy this week to take them down. I got to fill another bag and empty my trash. I am building my grocery order. I will probably get them delivered next Sat. They finally have Marie Calendar’s country fried chicken again. It is one of my favorite dishes.

Tomorrow I am just going to do my English reading. Hopefully I will be able to retain what I read. I need to finish the PDF online and then I can start the book. I just hope I am up by 1pm so I can read most of the day.