midnightdemons7

I am on a psych unit. I didn’t sleep too well so got a headache. Then around 530 I got woken up for blood work and I’ve been up since. My two attempts at napping failed. They had to call the IV team to draw my blood. I would rather not have them do it.

I went to the groups and met the psychology fellow. Briefly met my team as the iV team came while we were meeting. Nothing really got accomplished other than straightening out my meds. I tried to rest after and got overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts.

I got approached on a research study by the same suicidologist I follow last time. I like it and it’s easy. I am wearing a fit bit which is connected to my phone. I got a call and it started vibrating. I was like WTF. Now I am going to be interested in getting one after the study. Just walking to my room increased my heart rate. Be interesting to see what happens when I get short of breath after walking a few blocks.

I have eaten two meals. And I have to have dinner because I need the calories for the latuda. I already feel so fucking full. My head is killing me. The headache has just gotten worse. I took some Tylenol. Next will be ibuprofen.

Sox aren’t playing today and i am bummed. I have a TV in my room so I can watch the game. The TV looks like a big microwave. I laugh every time I see it.

I woke up around 530 to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I made some coffee and had a breakfast burrito. My check came in (thank god) but only one bill got paid and others wanted to wait on renewed. So my account is in flux. Around noon time I ordered burgers because I really wanted one. It was mediocre. The fries were good though.

My pcp’s nurse called me as I was trying to rest. We discussed how I was doing and moving forward my diagnosis will be hypogonadism. I almost started crying on the phone when I was telling how that stupid bill made me feel. I just feel super invalid. Like I don’t exist or should exist. After the phone call I got wicked nervous. I still got to finish packing my backpack. I don’t know what I’ll be taking. I Doordashed some stuff I needed. I didn’t know what I was doing as I had a problem with the order and wanted to tip the guy more but I ended up placing a second order. So now I have double the stuff except for my body wash. It wasn’t in stock.

I am tired. I only had one cup of coffee. I didn’t feel like having a second cup. I had a coke with lunch. Been trying to drink more water as my urine is dark and I’ve been feeling off.

My friend said that ketamine has helped his husband and son so I might ask my psychiatrist when I am out of the hospital unless I am admitted to the same hosp I am going to. I know there is a ketamine unit somewhere at the hospital, but I am not sure where. I’m out of drug choices so it could be an option for me.

Memorial Day 2025

I’ve purposely stayed off of Bluesky today because I don’t want to read what the felon has said about today. He already went off about the Boss, Bruce Springsteen. After the disrespectful way he treated the West Point cadets, I don’t care what he has to say anymore.

I was up most of the night. I had a brief sleep and then woke up to pee and that was it. I couldn’t go back to sleep to save my life. I finally did around maybe 8 and slept till 230pm. I had something to eat and I wanted coffee. My sister made some rice and beans and my other sister made pasta salad and some pork on the grill. It was good. I think I am dehydrated as my urine is dark. I have been trying to drink more today. I drank a liter of water during the night while I was up.

Tomorrow I need to go to the Square and pick up my meds and library book. I hope my check is in my account first thing in the morning and I don’t have to wait all day for it like I have in the past. It should be deposited in the morning because it was supposed to be in my account Saturday. I am still pissed it wasn’t.

My allergies are set off today. Part of the reason I couldn’t go back to sleep was I kept getting sneeze attacks. I still got the sniffles and a glob of shit at the back of my throat. I just took some Flonase so hopefully that will help.