Ankle/Leg Chronicles

So this is the 18th month that my peroneous muscle has been swollen and no doctor can give me a reason why or make the swelling go down. Tonight I was hit with self harming urges to filet open the swollen part but before I acted I decided to page my psychiatrist. It has been 5 hrs and I still have not heard from her but the urges have subsided for now. I think it is part of my delusional self that I think the root of my problems lies in this swollen tissue. If I just remove it, maybe I won’t be in so much pain. I want to write an email to my doc and clinically explain the significance of opening the tissues so they can breath and maybe the bad part will come out and the swelling will finally go down. I also have swollen ankles but these are easy to ice and elevate and when I do the swelling does go down. For my leg inflammation, I have yet to find “the” ice cube to decrease it nor the right elevation level to make it go down.  According to my MRI it is interstitial swelling so only if I cut will the swelling become decreased, least in my mind.  The voices have been on my side and been trying to cheer me on but fear of cutting and not being able to control the bleeding is the only reason I have yet to perform this operation. I do not know how to sew myself back up once I cut and if I do need stitches, I will have to ask a family member to take me to the hospital which will not be fun. I hate going to the hospital to get stitched up. It always leads to a psych eval that is pointless.  Most of the time they just want to know that you did not do this to kill yourself and that you will not do it again. I am the master of this type of talking as I have been there on many occassions.
Another reason I have not done it is because it will be hard to hide. It is summer time and I have absolutely no intention of wearing jeans or long pants as I will melt. Heat and my nerve condition do not go together.
So I have a nice lump on my leg that is like a boil on my neck festering away and I cannot lance it as much as I would LOVE to…