I had therapy this morning and zoom wouldn’t cooperate. I had to go on my phone 15 minutes after session started. The app had updated and it just wouldn’t work. I uninstalled/reinstalled and I think it is working now. I had to change my password because I couldn’t remember it.
Therapy was okay. I wasn’t too talkative. We talked about my mother and her diagnosis. Not sure what is going to happen until next week when she has a doctor appointment to go over the biopsy results. We talked about what this would mean. I told her I have distanced myself from my mother for years. I had to. It was the only way for me to survive living with her. Her misgendering still bothers me. I haven’t been able to let it go as easily as the other stuff. I had to correct her last night when she said “here she comes” as I walked in the door. It is when she is stubborn on changing the pronouns I get hurt. I know she will never see me as a man. I have accepted that even before I came out to her but I just hope that maybe after my top surgery, she will change her mind? I know I am probably wishful thinking on this.
We also talked about the FTM group I will be joining tomorrow evening. She asked why the change and I told her I was having trouble connecting with another FTM resource so I am seeking another. I think it will be good to meet other FTMs in the Boston area.
I am listening to the local country radio station. I haven’t listened to my favorite DJ in so long. I miss her sweet voice. It is so good listening to new music, even if it is male dominated.
I had three cups of coffee and I am so fucking wired. I had a sandwich for lunch. I might have soup for dinner. I had an Ensure for breakfast. I don’t have much of an appetite today. The coffee is suppressing it.
Today is my niece’s birthday. We will be going to a Mexican restaurant tonight to celebrate. It should be fun. She is turning 25. I am so proud of her. I love her so much.