Saturday Blog 07012023

Saturday Blog 07012023

The first Saturday of the new year. I was up in the middle of the night. I played on my laptop for a bit until my med alarm went off and then I took my meds and went back to sleep till around noon time. I had a couple cups of coffee and a sandwich with soup, my last tomato soup that I had.

My mother came up the stairs so she is now home. She immediately went to the couch to watch Hallmark channel. I tried not to get sucked in again. Every time the channel is on, I am sucked in to watching it and see how the stupid movie ends, which is the same as the previous movie, the girl falls in the love with the man and they end up together.

I have energy so far today. I don’t know if it is just restlessness or what but I plan on clearing out some stuff in my room. I need to put all the recycle in the bag and then take it downstairs to the bin. I have already had a heart rate of 150 bpm but it went down. It is now 110 bpm. I hate going up and down the stairs but I had to get my mother’s stuff and take it upstairs so a lot of work.

I was missing music on my phone so I had to connect my old phone to the laptop to transfer the songs. It is an acoustic version of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s performance at the Wolf Trap. I love the songs. Some of the songs are new from her latest album. It was good to hear it as an acoustic version.

I need to shave my head today and shower as my sister says I smell of sweat. I am not surprised as I have been sweating really bad the last few days. Mostly it is because I overextended myself with walking and being hot under the covers with the heat blasting. I have the ceiling fan going and the window open to get my room temp cool. It is still warm despite this. I just brought the commode up the stairs and my heart rate went berserk. It went up to 160 bpm. It went down but man, I really need to see the doc about this because the anxiety it causes ain’t fun.

I am tired now so I don’t know if I will clear that corner of the room I want to clear. I started moving stuff and caused a domino effect. Everything fell and I didn’t care. I still got to brush my teeth. Maybe I will do that when I shave my head. I don’t think I will take a shower today. I am not feeling it. I feel so bloody anxious even though my pulse has gone down. I hate when it goes up because when it comes down I am anxious as fuck.

It has been a few days since I worked on my book. I really don’t know what to right or how to write it, like structure wise. It is all based on my experience of being trans and getting gender affirming care. I want to write about the trials and tribulation you go through trying to get a surgeon for top surgery. I also want to write about the process of changing sex on birth certificate. A lot of paperwork goes into it. It is going to cost me $114 for two certified copies and the original.

Tomorrow we will be having a birthday party for my niece and mother. I got a present for my niece but I ordered it late and it might not come until Mon. Her birthday was last week and we went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant in town. It was good food. I still am thinking about the nachos which was so damn good. I don’t know what kind of cheese they used but man was it yummy. My sister is making a mess in the kitchen making the cakes. I hope it will be a good day and my sister feels better. She is feeling sick with the flu or something.

any thoughts?

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