back pain sucks

Back pain sucks

I slept ok but I didn’t get up until noon time. My sister then attacked me while I was having my coffee. First it was that my mother needs 24/7 care. Then it was that I should be doing the damn dishes. I was like can I finish my coffee before you bite my damn head off? Nope, I had to listen to her bitch the whole time I was having coffee. I was not in the damn mood. The stress of the conversation caused spasms in my side and back. I am hurting so much. I had to take an Ativan and a Robaxin.

My back hasn’t hurt this bad in a while. My upper back is so tight and hurts so much. The tension is awful. I want to take a shower but I think that will make the spasms worse. I can barely move my arms without causing spasms in my sides.

I got into an argument with my middle sister today, the first fight we had since I have been home from the hospital. It really upset me because she thinks I don’t do anything around the house but I do a lot of little things. I help take care of my mother to the best of my abilities. I get her things even though it exhausts me. I can only do what I am able. Nothing more.

I feel like a fat fuck. I am really depressed. I am not suicidal though I feel like I would be better off dead. I feel so worthless. It is so hard to be when you feel so lousy. I don’t want to do a damn thing except lay on my bed. I need to change my sheets as it has been more than a month since they have been washed. I will try and do it this week. I started making headway on the corner of my room that I needed to work on. Now I got all my PJs on my bed and I don’t know what to do with them.

I had a cup of tea. I needed something hot to drink that wasn’t coffee. It was my first cup of caffeinated tea since being home from the hospital. It was good to have my Yorkshire tea again. I don’t know if it will keep me awake. I need to get up early tomorrow morning for PT. I hope I will wake up and go. It has been a long time since I last got up before 0800. I also have therapy tomorrow. I hope it goes better than last week and my zoom works.

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