tough day

Tough day

I got up after 12 today. I just didn’t want to get up. I took my T shot late but it doesn’t really matter what time I take it, as long as I do. I went downstairs to make some coffee and something to eat. My aunt was there. I missed my uncle who visited. My mother told him today and I guess today is letting family know that my mother has lung cancer. There really is no treatment options for her as chemo would just make things worse, possibly even shorten rather than prolong her life. I don’t know what my mother is going to do. She hasn’t made a decision yet. I think we should get palliative care for her. I will discuss it with my sisters. It might help her.

My sister let my uncle know today that my mother has cancer. It has been a difficult day. I let my cousins know today. It has been difficult. My mother has asked her siblings to come to the house on Saturday. My sister is planning on making fish. I just hope my mother is up to it. Today is one of her bad days so she is in bed.

I had therapy yesterday. I set a goal and promptly forgot it soon as session ended because I had to relieve my bladder so bad. The last fifteen minutes of session was so hard as I had to pee so bad. It just came on all of a sudden. I thought I was going to wet my bed. We talked some more about my mother’s diagnosis and how it is going to be losing her. I know she will never see me as her son and that hurts but it is what it is. I have almost accepted this. Almost. I don’t know if I will ever get used to it. She tries so I got to give her some credit.

I was able to brush my teeth today. I still haven’t changed my sheets. I think I will do it tomorrow morning before I leave for PT. Bed is cleared off. I just need to stick my laptop somewhere safe while changing the bedding. I feel so depressed today that I don’t want to do a damn thing. I need a shower because I smell and I don’t want to. I just want to crawl under the covers and stay there. Adulting sucks.

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