Need to cry but tears won’t come

I’ve been feeling like crying the past couple of hours. My cousin cut my hair today and I was overwhelmed with sadness. I had therapy today. I told my therapist what the hospice nurse said. She just let me talk. She also wants me to post more in the FTM support group I joined. I posted today because I got dead named twice today, once from my aunt and the other by my mother. It has been a hard day.

My mother has been having a good day. She hasn’t been in too much pain and has been sitting in the kitchen for most of the afternoon. I made her lunch and dinner. I suck at making grilled cheese sandwiches. I burned it. I always seem to do that.

I feel really sad. I am tired. I didn’t sleep again last night. I woke up needing to pee and had such a hard time getting back to sleep. Then my phone kept going off. I maybe got 2 hours after 7am. I wanted to get my prescriptions but it was slippery out so I didn’t go. I might go tomorrow.

I don’t know if it is because of the weather but my lower spine has been aching really bad. Part of the reason I couldn’t go back to sleep was because I was in pain. It hurt to move. My legs were aching so bad. I had something to eat around 430am so I could take some ibuprofen. I wanted to make eggs but didn’t want to clean up so I never made them.

My ankle and foot have been hurting me for most of the day. I haven’t gotten a response from my pcp because she is out of the office. I should hopefully have one next week. I need to take something for this pain. It is driving me nuts and contributing to the depression.

Sister wants me to do more around the house because I am letting my niece do things and she is getting stressed. Yet when I ask her how she is, I get no fucking response so how am I to know?? I am to let her have breaks. How when she doesn’t want to leave the house?? I don’t fucking get it. It makes me feel bad. I don’t know what to do.

I pulled my chest muscle somehow today and it hurts really bad. I have no idea how I did it. Just add it to the psychache I feel. Just feel really crummy.