Having a rough day

I’m having a rough day with grief. I managed to have something more than biscuits to eat. Haven’t managed to brush my teeth yet. Such a damn struggle. Told my psychiatrist today about it..told him my mouth is a mess and I need three teeth extracted. He asked if I was showering. Honestly, I am glad I have the bandage on because I don’t feel like it. I will try tomorrow before the nurse come but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Dentist doesn’t do electronic scripts so I need to pick up the antibiotics script to give to the pharmacy because supposedly the pharmacy isn’t accepting the fax. I’ll pick it up tomorrow. I rescheduled the extraction because I know I am not going to be up by 7am to be there at 8. I am not a morning person.

I had therapy today and I told her about how I feel about my mother. I want her back and she said I didn’t kill her. She said cancer did. I cried when talking to my psychiatrist about her. I couldn’t help it. I was just so damn sad. My therapist said grief is sadness. Not what I wanted to hear. Sometimes the sadness is so overwhelming. My pdoc asked if I was suicidal. I starting thinking about suicide last night. I am not actively thinking about it. But it crossed my mind.

My sister and nieces are at the casino celebrating my youngest niece’s birthday. It’s where she wanted to go. I guess they have arcades there as she is too young to gamble. She is turning 18 on Saturday.

any thoughts?

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