foolish ones

Foolish ones

I got up really late today. I had no where to be so I just stayed in bed. As I was having my coffee, I got a callback from the department of mental health. They never got my application so I need to submit it. They said that it would be “expedited” as it has been so long. I am so mad. I went on the website and it was 26 pages long! I have no idea what services I need. I had to sign three release forms. I spent the entire afternoon on this. Then my toner went. I won’t be able to print anything until I get a new one.

On facebook, I found a chicken broccoli casserole dish that is pretty easy. I will order the ingredients when I get paid next. I can’t wait to make it. I asked if my niece would eat it too and she said yes. Cool because I think this might become a new dish I would make regularly, if it comes out good.

I have been trying to think of what to write. My thinking hasn’t been the best all day today. I feel wicked depressed. Last night I wanted to die and didn’t know why. I just felt like I should be dead. I didn’t act or think of a plan to end my life. I just wished I would die. I was overwhelmed with depression. I posted on FB about how I was feeling. I got some support.

According to ABC (Nearly 50,000 Americans died by suicide in 2022, a record-high number: CDC – ABC News (go.com)), 49,449 Americans died last year. I would have been 49,450 had I had succeeded. I wonder how many of these people were LGBTQ. I am sure the breakdown by state is there. Too many people are dying because of pain. It is sad. I also wonder how many were chronic pain patients who got their opioids cut due to the crisis.

Today was dreary. It was overcast and raining some of the time. I hope there are no delays with tonight’s game. We are playing Kansas City. So far no score. I took my meds early tonight because I need to be up tomorrow to go food shopping for Sunday dinner. Can’t wait to make the marinara sauce. Been so long since I cooked for more than myself. I took out some chicken so I could make something tomorrow. I only had a peanut butter sandwich. I’m not very hungry today. I need to shower between now and sometime tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. It always stresses me out. I need to shave and trim my armpits. Grooming is such a pain in the ass sometimes.