random 878

I talked with my therapist this morning. We agreed to take it day by day. I really need to have all my ducks in a row or close to it, for me to go to the hospital. Since making the decision to go, I have been feeling a little better. It will give me the break I need from the stress of all I have been going through.

I am supposed to visit my father tonight. I am apprehensive about it. I haven’t seen him in a few days. I hope that he is in a better mood tonight. I don’t bother calling him because he can be difficult on the phone and not really hear what you are saying. I think the guy reads lips and that is how he gets by. If his hearing is going, which it probably is, that will make things easier for him. But for right now, I am just fretting about the visit. I will be with my sisters so it shouldn’t be too bad. I hope we don’t stay too long.

I called the social worker at the nursing home and left another message for him to call me back. He has yet to return any of my calls. I hope he can call me tomorrow because I really know what time the meeting is going to be so I can plan either to keep my therapy appointment or to cancel it. Last time, it was too late to cancel because he called me after 1330, which was less than the 24 hour rule. We ended up doing a phone conference which didn’t benefit my father at all. We might have to do another phone conference call if this idiot doesn’t call me.

After I have this meeting and if I am able to keep my therapy appointment, I will make plans to go to the hospital. I think I am going to bring my suitcase as I can fit more stuff in it than a backpack. I can then use the backpack for my books and pens and stuff. I still don’t know what to pack as I am not sure where I will be going. I have to remember to bring my phone charger. I think I will leave my tablet at home. If I need it, I can always ask my sister to bring it.

I was talking with a friend tonight and she doesn’t want me to go to the hospital where I was before. I told her I rather be there because I know the place and will be able to have my phone. I know they won’t be able to “help” me. Most hospitals don’t really help you anyways, not like they used to. I just hope I don’t go to a hospital where I don’t want to be.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to random 878

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    i am sorry you have to end up going in but maybe it is for the best you’ve been depressed for a long time now low and suicidal and even if they dont help it will give you some respite. XX

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