random post 18122023

Random post 18122023

I had therapy today. I purposely stayed in bed till 1230. I had headaches throughout the night so needed the rest. I still have a migraine now. Therapy we talked about how I am partially responsible for being depressed. I said I would work on some mindfulness the next time I am really down. But it is hard when I am sad or depressed for no reason. She asked if I wanted to talk on Thurs but I said next week, which will be in the New Year as she is on vacation next week. I need the break. I am going to see her Thurs though. My birthday is this weekend and I am finding it hard to be worthy of celebrating.

I had a late supper. I really didn’t know what to make so pizza was the winner in the end. I have leftovers for tomorrow. I hadn’t eaten anything all day. I also have been trying to increase my fluids as yesterday all I had to drink was a cup of coffee. I barely drank anything else. Today I drank some Powerade and water.

A nor’easter hit today. We had high winds and a shit ton of rain. The wind was bad that our screen door got blown. It almost took out the frame. My brother in law had to fix it. I am not sure he did or not. The construction for the porches is supposed to happen tomorrow. I’ll believe it when I see it.

I had a misgendering and deadnaming kind of day today. My cousin sent a group text with “ladies” in it. Then my school email replied to the email I sent with my deadname. I filled out yet another form to change my name. I did get information about the campus but will need to physically go there to check it out. I got financial aid so a huge weight is off my chest.

I managed to shave my head after therapy. I got pissed someone moved my razor. I don’t know if they used it or not but I changed the blade anyways. I have been avoiding laying down. I am tired from my interrupted sleep. I hate that things aren’t getting better. They were for a while but now they seem to be the same. I just want one night of dreamless sleep so I don’t wake up with headaches.