Tired of being fucking tired
I had a rough night sleeping but got decent sleep. I woke up with brain fog and it was so damn hard to get going. I didn’t want to get out of bed but my bladder forced me to. I had a cup of coffee before I even took my meds. I just felt so blah. I came back to my room and took my meds and then went back down to have some more coffee. One of my textbooks came today and it was one I already owned. I couldn’t remember if I read it or not. I decided to go to Starbucks to start reading it.
I brushed my teeth and then went up to my room to get dressed. I was having a really hard time finding the energy to move. I checked the bus schedule and the bus would be coming soon. I just had to get dressed. I decided to wear sweatpants and my Sox pullover. It was warm so I wouldn’t need a jacket. I was out of breath by the time I got to the bus stop. I had time to rest before the bus came. I ordered Starbucks. I didn’t really know what I wanted to drink. They still had their sugar cookie latte so I decided on that with 5 shots. By the time I got to Starbucks, I was tired. I wanted to leave but I figure I would drink my latte and eat the wrap I ordered. After that I read for about a half hour and I did read this book before. I just don’t remember much about it as it has been more than 15 years since I read it. I looked at my degree audit to see if I took this class before and I didn’t. The book was for my Native American class that I took and ended up failing because I never submitted the final paper. I was doing too many things then to work on the paper. I hope I don’t have the same difficulties this time around.
I had to pick up my meds and I was thankful the gabapentin was ready. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be today or tomorrow as it was on hold when I checked it this morning. I went to the bus stop and the bus came. I walked home and by the time I reached my house, I was so out of breath. I really need to take a walk around the block more. I am so deconditioned. I went up to my room after using the bathroom. I then was in a panic on what to do. I had to blog. I worked on the family piece I have been writing. I added another 100 words. I am getting closer to the 1000 word mark. I just am not there yet. I also need to finish the John Grisham book I am half way through. I just didn’t know what to do first and it made me really anxious. And classes haven’t even started yet. I just want to cry. I am tired and going to campus is going to be a hike. I will be going twice a week so it at least gets me out of the house. And it is in the afternoon so I don’t have to worry about oversleeping. I just need to manage my time better.
I still need a shower and I also need to shave my head again as I didn’t do it yesterday. I am so tired though. I am so tired of being fucking tired. I see my psychiatrist in a couple weeks. I am going to ask him for some help with sleeping because I don’t know what to do anymore. I will also tell my therapist to see if she has anything that can be done. But waking up with headaches is so hard. I wake up from dreams with them. And then it takes a while to get back to sleep while my head is exploding. I don’t know if I need to get up when I wake up at like 3 or 4 am and stay up rather than go back to sleep for a few more hours. I usually have about 6 hours sleep by then. That should be good enough. I need to make two trips into town next week. I have to get my bloodwork done and go to UMB to get my ID done.
midnightdemons7 