why does my brain hurt?

Why does my brain hurt?

I had to pee at like 9, around the time my med alarm went off. I took my meds and then went back to sleep. I didn’t want to get up. I had no interest in coffee or school work. But I needed to submit my quiz with a better score. It was bugging me that I got an answer wrong. I addressed the disability paperwork and included the books for the program that I bought like two months ago. By like 3pm, I was exhausted. I wanted to go back to sleep and I was only up for two fucking hours. My head hurt. I could think but even that took some doing. I hadn’t eaten anything yet. I did my med boxes for the week.

I heated up the casserole I made the other day. It was so good but I put a hefty helping and couldn’t finish it. I was really thirsty and drank my Gatorade. I also had some water. I didn’t want another cup of coffee. I had two. I read some of my Anthro. I had to re-read an article because I forgot what it was about. Then when I read it, I remembered. There are a few readings before the lecture. I will probably spend tomorrow going through all of it.

I feel so depressed again. Nothing really set me off. I just felt really low. I just want to sleep and not wake up. I’m not suicidal. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I am struggling and I don’t know who to talk to about it. I don’t see my therapist till Wed. The disability stuff always gets me down because it reminds me of what I can no longer do, which is work and walk. I had another night where I didn’t sleep. I read for an hour, which is why I was so tired this morning and didn’t want to get out of bed. I just don’t know how to tell my therapist I am struggling when I had a good session with her last week. Even though it was a good session, she ended it with a comment that I am still angry about. She has it in her head that I am a victim. I’m not entirely sure I understand where she is coming from with this. I know I am not a victim. I never was. It isn’t my kind of game.

I got a call from the DMH and when I returned the call, it didn’t go to voicemail, just a beep. I left a message but haven’t heard back. Maybe I will this week. I am not good at callbacks. But I made an effort. I don’t know what they can offer me. I will have to find out. I know college is giving me a purpose right now and I am focusing my energy on it. I just wish I knew where this Anthro class was taking me. It is all over the place. Driving me nuts. Our first exam is in a couple of weeks. Maybe I will find out then what this is about.