therapy sucked today

Therapy sucked today

I hated being in therapy today. I got a bit of brain fog going on because I am still sick. We were talking about my suicidal ideations and she doesn’t see the pattern changing. She wants me to do more distress tolerance skills. Also wants me to do things that are “good” for me. I told her I would have to think about it as I don’t know what to do. I just felt like she wasn’t hearing me when I said I don’t know what to do and she wasn’t being helpful in suggesting something. I don’t know why I keep continuing to go. It’s like what I am reading in my psych book, a stimulus must change but I don’t know what exactly that is. I’ve been suicidal for forty years.

This cough needs to take a hike. I still don’t know if going to the doctors will help. At times I am wheezing and then other times I am clear so I don’t know what is going on. I was able to get through 45 minutes of therapy with a few coughing fits. I still don’t have chamomile tea. I am placing a grocery order later this week.

I need to take a shower. I don’t know if I am going to take one tonight. I haven’t done anything related to school today other than pay my tuition bill. I just checked for grades and I got an 82 on my psych. It was a hard test. I hope I do better next exam. Anthro isn’t back yet. I have tried to get through the reading the other day and just couldn’t concentrate. I have been working through my psych chapter but it is a lot of terms to understand and I keep calling the US (uncontrolled stimulus) the US (United States) which doesn’t help me and only confuses me. I will get it straight eventually.

I am tired. I slept ok through the night but I had weird dreams. I woke up having to pee really bad and my sister beat me to the bathroom this morning so I had to wait. I didn’t go back to sleep because the gas man was supposed to call me but he didn’t and left a note saying that he came. Bastard. My brother in law called me soon after so my phone was working. I had to call and reschedule the appointment for Wed. I had my phone by me the whole time and it didn’t even ring though I had a missed call from the jerk. I haven’t napped all day as I just been going. I had leftover Chinese for lunch and then a bagel because I was still hungry. I might make a turkey sandwich if I get hungry later.