Sneeze attacks and insomnia
I was up all night again. I couldn’t sleep. I woke up around midnight and it was over. I tried sleeping, reading, writing, taking an Ativan. Nothing got me back to sleep. I woke up after maybe two hours of weird dreaming and feel like shit. I had to use the bathroom. Someone was in my bathroom so I went to use my sister’s. I didn’t take senna or magnesium last night because my bowels have been loose. I crapped again loose bowels as I peed. I don’t know if it is stress or what that is giving me the loose bowels but I hate it because I can’t feel it. It can lead to accidents if I fart. So I have been scared to fart the past couple of days.
After I finished my business in the bathroom, I made coffee. I realized half way through the cup that I didn’t take my meds. I started sneezing in the kitchen and omg. I couldn’t stop. I finished my coffee and went upstairs and sneezed some more. I have been sneezing for almost an hour already.
The construction guys are out there doing work. My head is ready to cave in. I got a pain in the back of my head. I don’t know if it is a migraine or not. Pain is behind my ear. I think I might have pulled a muscle with all the damn sneezing. It’s slightly warm today. I want to go to the Square and do my research for my Anthro class but I need to shower very bad. I stink and I sweated some more last night. I was hot in my room for a while.
I started writing about my therapy problem in my journal. I don’t know if I want to go back to her but I have no one else, really. It was on my brain most of the night that I had to change in order for me to work with her. I hate myself and I don’t know why. I just do. Her telling me this is all on me and no one else really got to me. I don’t know if she is blaming me for the depression or my thoughts. It bugs me so much. I like kind of want to make an appointment with her but then I know I will want to cancel it. I hate these ambivalent feelings. Just sucks.
I finally showered but didn’t groom like I wanted to. I felt like if I was going to shower, I was going to shower. I didn’t have the energy to groom. It takes a lot of spoons. After my shower, I threw a pot pie in the oven and made a cup of coffee. I only had one cup when I got up around 1. I needed a second cup to get me through the day. I might have another cup with my pot pie. I don’t know though as it is after 5 now.
midnightdemons7 