freaking out

Freaking out

My night of sleeping was terrible, again. I took a trazodone around 2am and had broken sleep. I know I woke up or was up, I can’t really remember now, around 0530 and then I slept till 8 when I had to pee. I decided to stay up. I made coffee. I was hungry but I didn’t feel like cooking. I had my biscuits with coffee. After I finished the cup, I went back upstairs because I was out of coffee in the kitchen and my niece was still sleeping. I had to go to the porch for more coffee and would had to go through her room to get it. I ended up studying.

My Anthro professor was quite busy this morning. I had four or five emails from him. And that lobbying article I didn’t finish reading now has to be read because he sent questions about it. Fucker. He apologized for the delay in exam 1 test results. He said he is working on them but didn’t give a time frame of when they would be available. I hope they are back before next week when we take exam 2. I still have no fucking idea what I am doing in this class.

I studied my psych. I went over the slides and my notes. My check deposit for today wasn’t in till after 12 today for some reason. I was hungry by the time so made a black bean burger. Then I ordered Wendy’s because I wanted it. I also ordered my amazon stuff, which I desperately need my allegra. I paid my cell bill. Then went back to studying. I realized I didn’t put the vocab words for chapter 6 in my notebook. As I was doing this, I texted my classmate and see if she wanted me to text definitions to her as a way of studying. We went through a few terms. Then a term came up and I knew she didn’t have the answer. I figured it out though once I went back to the slides.

My psych prof sent a message about those that need a make up and I was hoping he was going to cancel test tomorrow. No such luck. So I am freaking the fuck out, thinking I am going to fail because even though I read the chapter, I can’t answer the questions that are at the end of the chapter. I feel fucking stupid. I can’t distinguish between operant conditioning and classical. I am just fucked. I am on a borderline B- and if I don’t do good on this exam, I am going to drop to a C and that will just kill me.

My NP got back to me about my blood pressures. She wants me to take them again for the next two weeks and then send the results in. If they are still high, then my meds will be adjusted. I found an updated hypertension chart and looks like they lowered the diastolic and systolic readings by 10 points each. So technically, I have been in stage 2 hypertension all this time, even on meds. I am so stressed though. I woke up with a cold sore on my lip. I haven’t had a cold sore since I was a kid. The treatment for it is kind of expensive though so I hope it clears up on its own.