about anger

About anger

I had texted my therapist last night that I wanted to cancel. She texted me back with some questions. I responded this morning with I don’t know what to work on or need and she responded with bullshit. See you at noon. I was so angry. I was already angry to begin with but this just pissed me off. So I decided to keep the appointment and talk about anger. Everything has been making me angry. I am mad at my sister for losing my charger to my trimmer. I am mad that I had to withdraw from class and not sure if I will be penalized for it in the fall. I am mad the contractors fucked up my porch and is taking forever to get this work that started in December finished. I just want to pound something or go off on someone. It was raining today so no workers came. It has been nice Mon and Tues and no one showed. Assholes. I realized while talking to my therapist I am still angry at my mother and the grief she caused. Over the weekend I saw a note I made a day before I overdosed in Aug. It was about her saying that she will always call me daughter and never son. It hurt. It still hurts and it’s been more than a year. I will never know if she truly saw me as her son as she was dying or if it was a false thing because her mind was gone.

After therapy I tried studying for a bit. I am going over exam and quiz keys. I am hoping to have our exam from yesterday posted soon. If I did ok, I might not need to take the final. I am happy with a B right now.

I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I think I will before bed. I took a brief nap for a bit but I still feel sleepy. I had an okay night sleeping. I listened until the last out of the game. The Sox lost. I think I need to go on the road with them. Trouble is, I don’t have the money for hotels and stuff. It would be cool to go to the different ballparks. It has been a dream of mine, maybe a bucketlist one.

My proof came. I am going to go through it later. I haven’t decided if I am going to read it or just go through the pages to make sure it looks ok. My last book had a blank page in the middle of the book between chapters so I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again.

I have had sinus pressure today that is off the hook. I have been sneezing and stuffy. I hate allergies. I also been having an urgent bladder which sometimes results in leaking. I reached out to my doc to see of I can get a test for it. It’s been going on for about two weeks now. I thought it would have settled down by now but it hasn’t. I have no other symptoms but I hate wetting my pants every now and then because I don’t make it to the bathroom in time. If someone is in the bathroom, I can’t wait it out. I have to go downstairs to my sister’s. It’s a pain. I’m grateful to have the extra bathroom use though. Has saved me more than a few times.