sleep is elusive

Sleep is elusive

I slept for about maybe three hours. I had a pleasant dream where I was going to meet my friend in Guatemala as she was doing a poetry reading in Maine. I was traveling to see her. I woke up and it was around midnight. I checked the score. We won! The game was tied when I went to sleep. I was listening on the app but my cousin called and it screwed up the timing. Game was playing but they had a commercial on the app and it was behind like half an inning. I turned it off and went to sleep.

I finished Norse Mythology. I love this book. I have read it three times so far. I think it is my favorite Neil Gaiman book. I guess now I will read Moby Dick. I read half of it a long while ago but never finished it. I am interested in it because Dr. Shneidman thought it had to do with suicide. I have yet to see any suicide other than the depression in the first chapter.

I read the message the therapist responded to. She said she wishes me well and that is all. I don’t know if I will get another therapist at this place. I haven’t really thought about getting a new one. I might message my psychiatrist and see what he says. I have been feeling ok for the most part. I am not in crisis or in a depression but my mood tends to dip around the middle of August and it can last a long while. I feel free from therapy.

I am tired. I am also hungry. McD doesn’t have their breakfast menu up yet. I want some sausage burritos and pancakes. I had taken some trazodone to sleep and it just doesn’t work for me. I need to shower. I sweated so much my sheets were wet. I don’t know why I sweat while I sleep. I am topless and I still sweated. Ugh. It has been warm so I haven’t worn a shirt. My chest still feels kind of sore. I am glad the surgeon said it was “normal”.

My cousin won’t be picking me up till around 2 so I hope I can sleep during the morning. I have a lot of unread messages in my inbox in my main email. I tried to sort through them but omg it is so boring. I hope after I had something to eat, I can fall asleep. Might need some Ativan to do it. Birds are fucking chirping right now. My niece told me of an app to identify birds. All this time I thought it was a cardinal and it is an American robin, according to the app. My apologies to cardinals as I was cursing them so much. It is still dark out so I don’t get why the fuck they are chirping. Daylight hasn’t broken through yet. Every fricken morning they chirp, sometimes as early as 0330. It’s 0430 right now.