productive Sunday

Productive Sunday

I slept fairly well and didn’t wake up till around 8 or so. I took my meds and then went back to sleep, or tried to as my sister kept screaming for my niece and was basically loud. She kept going up and down the stairs. I didn’t know if she was coming or going. Today was my cousin’s birthday. I was supposed to go but I couldn’t get up at a decent time and my sister was in a mood. I really didn’t feel like talking to her so I just stayed in my room until she left. Then I had coffee and sat on my new deck. I had two cups before taking a shower. I shaved. I wanted to trim my hair but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wanted to see my barber but I don’t have the money right now to see him.

The game was on so I listened to it as I did some stuff around my room. I cleared the path where my AC is so now it can be put in my window. I texted my brother in law. He said he would do it. It’s going to be 80 this week so I hope he puts it in the next few days.

I brought down some recycling. I still have more in my room. It’s mostly boxes. I feel good that I cleared this space but I still feel overwhelmed with the rest of my room. I am so depressed. I can’t shake the down feeling. I have been trying to work through it. I did my meds for the week. I still have a lot of allergies today. I have phlegm in the back of my throat that is gagging me and making me nauseous. I feel depressed and not really sure why I am. I honestly just want to go back to bed and stay there. I am still trying to do stuff around my room though. I need to finish the chapter I started last night. I woke up around midnight. I read for a little while after taking some Ativan so I wouldn’t be up all fricken night. I think I went back to sleep around 3. I am so tired from having interrupted sleep. The damn birds were singing so loud this morning. I tried to see what kind of birds they were but I didn’t want to get up to turn on the app. I tried recording when I was having my coffee but I didn’t get anything.

Sox lost in extra innings. It was disappointing. I am listening to Sugarland and Little Big Town. I am so excited to see them in concert on Halloween. I cannot wait. I love Jennifer Nettles. She still blows me away with her voice. I am going to read some more of the Who’s Afraid of Gender book. Honestly don’t know how I can read with this level of depression but I will take it because it could be gone whenever. I told my case worker that the middle of August is when my mood starts to dip and doesn’t even out until Feb. I am going to call a place tomorrow to see if I can get an intake started for therapy. I still don’t know what I am looking for. But my case worker seems to think having suicidal thoughts is enough reason to be in therapy.