Same shit different day 17072024
I slept fairly well last night. I was expecting to wake up in the middle of the night because I drank so much before bed but I didn’t. I got up around 2. I didn’t see the point in getting up before then. I think I took my meds around 11 and then laid back down. It has been a struggle to do anything today. I managed to get up and have a cup of coffee. Then I made some hot dogs. I haven’t been eating so it’s been hard making meals when you aren’t hungry.
I feel depressed. I got denied financial aid so I am not sure what I am going to do now. I dropped a class so I can at least take one class for the fall. I have the option to appeal but it takes so much effort and nonsense, I am just not going to do it. I am so tired. I feel like shit. Back is still bothering me. I don’t see the NP until next week. She is probably going to say it is musculoskeletal. My book isn’t selling like I had hoped. I still haven’t heard from the library about an event. All of this shit takes effort and I have no energy.
I needed to fill my T bag up with supplies today. I haven’t done it yet. I think when I get paid next week I am going to go to the butcher shop and buy a bunch of burgers so I will have them. I will just freeze what I don’t use. I am so craving a burger it isn’t funny. I keep thinking about the burger I got from a pub down the street. It was perfect. The chicken wings weren’t bad either though they were not as hot as I wanted them.
I just took out some supplies for my bag. I don’t have my shot this week. I feel really bad and kind of suicidal still. I am afraid to tell anyone because I don’t want to end up back in the hospital. It wouldn’t help the situation I am in. I mostly just feel like a useless idiot who can’t get anything done. I need to shower and trim my beard. My beard feels so heavy. It’s not helping with the heat. I really don’t want to be anymore. I just want to die. I feel so tired all the time. I wanted to do some things around my room but I have no fucking energy for it. I feel so useless. I’ve only been up a few hours and need a nap already. This fucking sucks. I had just one cup of coffee today. It was too hot in the kitchen to make another cup. I made an iced tea instead. Someone drank my green tea and I am not happy about it.
midnightdemons7 