not feeling well

Not feeling well

Past four days I have been having palpitations and extreme fatigue, more than just my normal amount. I just came back from doing some errands and I am wicked tired. I was only out for about an hour and walked around a bit. The grocery store I went to was fucking bigger than I thought it was. I got some chicken wings for lunch. It was fantastic. The last three pieces were spicy and I loved it. I wish I could make wings like that but I suck at things like this. Every time I try making them with BBQ sauce, the sauce doesn’t stay on the wings.

I am waiting for a callback from my pcp’s office about the palpitations. I was having some chest pain while waiting for the cab home. I hope I don’t have to go to the ED again. I got a wicked migraine last night that refused to go away. I had to take my two migraine meds and some Excedrin to force it away. Then I woke up from a very strange dream where I was in the process of being hospitalized because I overdosed again. I had a psychiatrist yell at me and then went to the café to have food and a beer. It was just wicked strange.

I called the therapy place and was told it could be a month or two before being seen by someone. This is much better than waiting till Dec!! I am kind of relieved. I still have the consult next week and I meet with the social worker that works with my pcp this week. I am kind of nervous meeting with him because I didn’t go to partial like I told him. My insurance doesn’t cover virtual visits anymore, which sucks.

I went to look for a suit for my niece’s wedding coming up and I couldn’t find one my size. Everything was either too big or too tight. I don’t know why everything was fucking slim, like don’t you know bigger sized people need suits too?? Fuck. Now I got to go to the store north of Boston, which means my sister needs to take me as I don’t have a car. I have no idea how I am going to afford it. Prices were like 200 bucks for a suit. I won’t be able to make my month Amazon purchase this month. I also need to cut back on my grocery expenses. Ugh, I am worrying about my finances. I get paid next week so need to figure things out. I also need to have money so I can get my teeth removed.

Last night my cousin called me. She wants me to visit so I called my other cousin and we are going to go on Monday. I have such a busy week next week. Sunday is my niece’s shower. Mon cousin. Tues Ball game, Thurs DMH case worker. Wed consultant. Sat is my cousin’s birthday. I don’t know if we are doing anything for her yet. I haven’t heard anything. Mon is also the anniversary of when I overdosed two years ago. I still remember how psychotic I was and I am still struggling with all of that.

I am so pissed my MP2 Player on my phone does work anymore. Stupid task manager keeps shutting it off and I don’t know the setting to make it stop. I had to use the Samsung music app, which is ok but I don’t have my playlists made and it would be a pain to remake them all.

The nurse from my pcp’s office called me. She reassured me I am not having cardiac issues, though if the palpitations continue, I might go on like a two week monitor again. She did encourage me to use Ativan for these episodes. Only problem is that I just got my refill and I am running low right now. I didn’t realize I was using so much.

I am listening to Taylor’s album Lover because she has been singing a song I am not familiar with at her concerts in London. I love that she has donated money to food banks around England that really helped some for the year and more. She is so generous. I hate the hate she is getting because she is a billionaire now and some people have called her “greedy”. She earned every cent she made. She is such a wonderful person. I love her always and forever.