rats

Rats

I got up before my appointment. My laptop behaved. I didn’t have time for coffee so I just logged on for my appointment. I had some questionnaires to do. After the appointment, I got dressed to go to Starbucks. I was a bit early for the bus so waited a bit. It was cold out so I didn’t want to freeze.

As I was walking through the lot, I stepped on something and when I looked to see what it was, it was a dead rat. I was skeeved out. I went to the bus stop and waited for the bus stop. The city has a damn rat problem they aren’t taking care of.

I went to Starbucks. It was good. I had some egg bites and a mocha. After I ate, I headed to class. I put bought a Tpass for the month. I figure with all the bus and trains I will be taking it will be worth it. Class was a drag. But there are only like three classes left.

I came home and I was tired, too tired to cook so I ordered food. I ordered McD’s because McRib is back. I love this so much. Tomorrow I will make the sloppy Joe’s. I will have more time. I I have been in a little funk. I miss my mother. I wanted to call her on the way home but obviously I can’t do that. Then I thought about the last month of her life and I remember her calling me “son” and it confusing the hell out of me. It just hurts so much and I will never know how she really felt about me because she died after my surgery.

I got such a headache. I am trying to focus on my feelings but I am so tired right now. Grief is so complicated with her. And now I have to go over it again with a new therapist. And I see her in the early morning when I am not really awake. I’ll have to come up with some system to remind me what to talk about in session. Otherwise, I’ll just be twittling my thumbs.