someone you loved

I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to save me
This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy
I need somebody to heal
Somebody to know
Somebody to have
Somebody to hold
It’s easy to say
But it’s never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain

Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to turn to
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you
Now, I need somebody to know
Somebody to heal
Somebody to have
Just to know how it feels
It’s easy to say but it’s never the same
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped me escape

Now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes
I fall into your arms
I’ll be safe in your sound ’til I come back around

For now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

But now the day bleeds
Into nightfall
And you’re not here
To get me through it all
I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

I let my guard down
And then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

I heard this song on one of the reels I watched on FB and had to listen to the entire song. I cried. It is a sad song and the singer sings it very well to get the feels. I bought the song and played it on repeat for a while. It touched me so much.

I sent a text to my therapist asking her to ask her supervisor or a manager to have the office call me by my legal name. They keep calling me my deadname and it is bothering me. I am no longer that person.

I talked with my advisor as I had some questions. She didn’t realize that the docusign thing had the wrong year on it so I had to fill it out again in case it was null. Also as I have four classes left in my degree audit, I asked what do I do with the credits I need to graduate. She said I needed like 126 credits so I needed to take extra classes. I asked if they are elective and she said they were. So now I am open to more psych classes that I want to take. I still need two 400 level courses. The sucky thing is that because my math was wrong, I won’t be graduating next year like I thought. I will have a better idea of how to plan my classes after this semester. If I can handle two classes now that I have therapy in place, maybe things will go and I can complete them. I am nervous because I know how I get. The semester starts off strong and then I get depressed and overwhelmed and drop a class to stay afloat. That’s why there are more W’s on my transcript than grades.

I am hoping to see my friend tomorrow. Maybe I can have lunch with her. Depends on when I can get my ass out of bed. I had the strangest dream that kept on continuing through the night. I was in Star Trek Next Gen and I had to save the crew with Wesley. Wesley disappeared once we came to some weird ass space station. I kept talking to Captain Picard about our situation trying to some up with some plan but lost one of the equipment mid dream. It was so bizarre. I woke up with a damn headache.

My laptop restarted during the night. It was running for I don’t know how long. I hate when it does this. It never goes to sleep when it restarts for the stupid updates. I started clearing off my bed a little bit. It’s still not done but it’s getting there. I found a bottle of allegra that I bought. I am glad because I have a quarter of a bottle left and will need it by the end of the month. I made an egg burrito for dinner. I put hot sauce on it and my mouth is finally cooled off. I still don’t know how I am going to get my migraine med. I will have to wait till next week to pick it up.