Argh

I woke up around 530 to pee and couldn’t go back to sleep. So I made some coffee and had a breakfast burrito. My check came in (thank god) but only one bill got paid and others wanted to wait on renewed. So my account is in flux. Around noon time I ordered burgers because I really wanted one. It was mediocre. The fries were good though.

My pcp’s nurse called me as I was trying to rest. We discussed how I was doing and moving forward my diagnosis will be hypogonadism. I almost started crying on the phone when I was telling how that stupid bill made me feel. I just feel super invalid. Like I don’t exist or should exist. After the phone call I got wicked nervous. I still got to finish packing my backpack. I don’t know what I’ll be taking. I Doordashed some stuff I needed. I didn’t know what I was doing as I had a problem with the order and wanted to tip the guy more but I ended up placing a second order. So now I have double the stuff except for my body wash. It wasn’t in stock.

I am tired. I only had one cup of coffee. I didn’t feel like having a second cup. I had a coke with lunch. Been trying to drink more water as my urine is dark and I’ve been feeling off.

My friend said that ketamine has helped his husband and son so I might ask my psychiatrist when I am out of the hospital unless I am admitted to the same hosp I am going to. I know there is a ketamine unit somewhere at the hospital, but I am not sure where. I’m out of drug choices so it could be an option for me.