wild dreams

Wild dreams

I had a few wild dreams last night. The first one was I with this guy and he made me so mad as he was walking away I wanted to punch him in the back of his head. I punched my lamp and woke up so angry and with a sore hand. Then I was dreaming about my mother. I was trying to find her and saw her pushing her wheelchair with her big ass sunglasses on. For some reason she had two stethoscopes with her and an unhoused person took one. I went to grab it to take it back and woke up with me trying to grab something. Thank god I don’t sleep with someone. I might hurt them while I am dreaming.

I had coffee with my sister before she did her things. I told her my struggles with getting groceries. She asked what do I eat. I told her it was mostly burgers and chicken. I will roast a chicken breast with potatoes or make a burger. I don’t really eat vegetables as I don’t know how to make them. My sister will make them and then I will eat them. She is a better cook than I am. So my sister gave me a bunch of stuff and some coffee my brother in law doesn’t like anymore. She is going to have a lady come to my room to help me clean it. She wants me to take all the stuff out so that I can take out the rug and get a new mattress. I don’t know what she is planning for my floor as I don’t like what is underneath the rug. It’s some kind of weird design that is so ugly. She also wants me to get rid of my desk but I don’t want to because it belonged to my favorite uncle and I am not ready to part with it. Besides it is holding my books that I have read/not read.

I need to shower today as it has been a week since I last took one. I never took one yesterday because I was just feeling so down. I feel like shit right now because my head is killing me and I feel so sluggish. I just want to sleep. I had a hard time sleeping last night for some reason. I was listening to country music until like 2 am. I just didn’t want to sleep. I got up around ten after I woke up trying to grab something. That was so fucking weird. I never had dreams like this. I don’t know what to make of them. I don’t see my therapist until next week. I feel so frustrated. I read the news on my social media and it just depresses me. I try not to stay on it too long. I am so fucking worried about this bill that the Senate has right now. If it passes it is going to suck for like 70 million people. And transgender people cannot get care on Medicaid if they have it. I have no idea if I will be able to get bottom surgery like I want to. I have the appt next week for a consult. It is at a “tier 2” place so I don’t know how much it is going to cost me. If I can’t get the surgery, I will be disappointed. I’ve always wanted a penis but like a real one that shoots cum and erects. But seeing as I don’t have a prostate, that isn’t possible. So I just wants a simple meta. I don’t want balls and a scrotum. I hope I can have what I want.