A cooler Monday
I had my AC running and I had to shut it off as I was cold. The temps were in the 70s and it was a nice relief. I had strange dreams last night. One that I remember was about me presenting as an author my book that I didn’t write as I didn’t recognize the title. But it had my name on it. It was an LGBTQ+ affair and my pcp’s office was involved. Somehow I lost my pants after the presentation and we were all sitting around in the office. I had to borrow someone’s pants and the person was a size 2. The pants just fit my thigh. I am a stocky person so these pants weren’t going to do it. I woke up as I was trying to get them on.
I took my meds at 8 but I didn’t get up till 11 or 12. I don’t remember. I made it to the back porch after moving some stuff so I could get my coffee. I made some pancakes. I think I am going to make some meatballs and have a sandwich with them tonight. Last night I made a tuna sandwich. It was the only thing I ate all day. My appetite hasn’t been so great the past few days. I woke up with my chest sore. I slept in one position too long. I’ve been having chest cramps. I feel miserable. Last night I was really depressed. I keep thinking of ending things. But the thoughts go away. They don’t stay, which is good.
I don’t have any plans this week except meeting my DMH worker later this week. Oh, and I have therapy Friday. The temps are supposed to go back up the end of the week. I need to see my DMH worker as I have some paperwork for her. My sister gave me one of her work envelopes and I am scared to use it because to use privately you have to pay a $300 fine. The way the government is right now, I don’t need a hassle.
I had two cups of coffee and I am still fucking tired. It’s windy out. If I had the energy I would go to Starbucks. I can’t believe it’s almost the end of July. I really need to step up my reading. I want to finish the definition of suicide so I can start my textbook the beginning of August.
midnightdemons7 