didn’t get sleep last night

Didn’t sleep last night

I was playing my game and writing my paper. It got late and I got kind of wired. I couldn’t settle down. I was up most of the night. I even turned on the white noise machine but it didn’t help. I had something to eat around 6 and took my meds and then I was able to sleep for a few hours.

I feel really tired today. I haven’t done much. I had something to eat and had my coffee. My sister was upset with me and let me know it so that made me feel really good. She said she doesn’t think it’s my mental illness or depression that is the reason just that I am an asshole. I felt so good. (I am being wicked sarcastic here on feeling good) I felt really bad and disgusted. I didn’t say anything to her at all.

I messaged my pcp to ask if the therapists at her office are short term or long term. If they are long term, I might be willing to see them. I am not finding any luck elsewhere. My psychiatrist said that he would ask his assistant to search for someone but I don’t know if I want to see another therapist where everyone can see my record. It feels intrusive.

I am really struggling. I have been in bed all weekend and have not really left the house in days. I am glad I took a shower yesterday. I am going to try and take another one tomorrow. I still have school work that needs to be done. I just don’t know how I am going to get it done. I have no fucking energy or motivation.

It’s windy so the cold air is coming through my window. My room is cold and my feet are freezing. I got to find a pair of socks to put on that are comfy. I have the thermal socks but they tend to cut my circulation in my calf because it gets tight. There’s like no stretch. I hate it. I have thick legs. They’re not swollen they just are big.