feel like shit

Feel like shit

I slept most of the day yesterday and half the day today. I just felt like shit. I got up to have my coffee and breakfast. The puppy was here so I petted her. She was interested in my breakfast but lost interest.

I shaved after my coffee and brushed my teeth. I wanted to shower but didn’t. I will tomorrow. I went up to my room and took my textbook out. I have a lot of reading to do. I read half a chapter and then I had to stop as I was getting sleepy. I made something to eat.

I was still full from lunch so really didn’t have supper. Going to try and read some more to finish the chapter. I think there are like 10 pages left. I can’t believe there is just three weeks left in the semester.

I feel depressed. I want to act on my suicidal tendencies. I feel like suicide is a disease even though it’s not. I am so tired of fighting it all the time. It gets exhausting. I wish every night that I don’t wake up in the morning. The depression is bad. They say you have to want change in order for therapy to work. What am I supposed to change? I want to die. I hate living. I don’t even know why anymore. Used to be because I was in a lot of mental pain, a lot of psychache. I feel useless. Just feel like a failure.